Dear friends, yesterday my team re-released film 2 of my documentary psychotherapy series Trust to Win, and today I want to continue discussing with you the importance of TRUST in our lives. Even during the lockdown, I found time to watch several seasons of the wonderful series Suits.
Invincible winner Harvey Spector is a psychoanalytically verified collective image of many of my clients - leaders.
He is powerful, courageous, daring, smart, ambitious, proud, elegant and damn attractive...A man who goes to his unconditional professional success as a lawyer with a firm step, sometimes even "head over heels."
He knows and respects the laws, but he does not obey them. He is not subject to anyone or anything. Just like a chess genius, Harvey is always playing with the restrictions and rules that exist for "ordinary people".
Women want his love because he beckons with his strength, emphasized sexuality and independence, men want his friendship and respect because he is an interesting person with his own position, the most famous and wealthy clients want his legal support, because he can really protect their businesses and life.
If he takes on a case, he does not lose it. Win! - Beat! - Defeat everyone! is the leitmotif of Harvey's life. But what is under this brilliant, eye-blinding facade of success? His unquenchable thirst to win helps him run away from cosmic loneliness in his soul for many years. He doesn't let anyone near him. His feelings are closed not only from people who want to be close to him, his feelings are closed even from himself. He cut them off from his consciousness because one day a tragedy happened in his childhood. No, no one died, but trust died in the heart of this gifted boy, the desire to love died.
It is unbearably painful when a child has to make a choice that only a rare adult is capable of. Choose to cover up the betrayal and infidelity of the mother, while feeling disgust for her and for yourself, feeling guilty before the father you love? Or choose to tell the father the bitter truth and then become guilty for the fact that the family collapsed. Harvey chooses the truth, but from that moment on he makes a firm decision - "Never again, trust ANYONE!" At that moment, he does not yet know that a life in which there is no intimacy and love is in fact meaningless and lifeless. It’s breathtaking to watch how the "defrost" of Harvey's feelings begins. For this, a person with an open, generous and loving heart had to appear. A man who is willing to patiently break through Harvey's protective armor, bringing to life his instinct for the intimacy of healthy human affection.
Harvey's panic attacks are a danger signal: "Someone is approaching his soul!» And this means, in the understanding of our hero, inevitable betrayal and pain. It is precisely at this moment that the seemingly invulnerable Harvey Spector needs a cool and as strong psychotherapist as he is. To treat such a person is a challenge that one must dare to accept. You also have no right to lose. You will have to withstand powerful resistance, aggression and blackmail, not to succumb to your feelings and not reject Harvey. You need a lot of knowledge and experience to unravel his mystery, and, having found his childhood trauma, find and convey to Harvey the indisputable "evidence and proof" of how his past lives in the present, and destroys him.
You need a huge amount of patience, love and compassion to help Harvey find his «inner boy», to lead him through childhood pain, anger and guilt in order to cement a crack in trust, to allow himself to love again.
After all, around him, it turns out, there are people to whom his heart reaches out, people who actually love him and will never betray him. And Harvey himself is capable of devotion and sincere human love. When our success ceases to be an armor against betrayal, when we regain the ability to love and trust, our life becomes filled with real deep feelings and meaning, both in relationships and in work.
With love Doctor, candidate of medical sciences, business psychotherapist Olga Lukina
