Teenagers and their parents

The tendency to deviant behavior is the result of a "failure" in the process of the formation of a teenager's personality and solution to his age tasks. The following types of deviant behavior are distinguished. Deviant behavior is a separate action or system of personality's actions violating social-psychological, moral or cultural norms that have developed in a given society, but not illegal behavior. This includes truancy, leaving home, vagrancy, aggressive behavior, self-aggression, suicide, sexual deviations, early alcoholization, etc...

1. The teenager has a conflict between the existing dependence on the family and the desire for autonomy. His expectations of his parents are contradictory. On the one hand, he resists previous manifestations of care and affection, but on the other hand, he shows a desire to be spoiled. His behavior is also contradictory. Then he is rude, stubborn and disobedient, then requires attention, fondles with his mother, childishly capricious, crying; then he watches children's cartoons, then expresses deep, serious judgments on various issues...

Younger teenagers find it difficult to structure their own time in general and free time in particular. On the other hand, teenagers are happy to participate in the activities of various interest groups. These can be sports sections, clubs, studios. It is important to help them to orientate themselves and find a suitable organization. Older teenagers prefer to organize their own leisure time. However, if they like any activity, they are happy to dedicate all their free time to it, so it often happens if it is connected with creative and "adult" work...

1. Setting life goals and defining ways to achieve them The goal of life should not be the only one, because it immediately blocks the satisfaction of all other needs and leads to either deformation of the personality or rejection of the chosen goal, to the loss of time and opportunities. In addition, the only goal acquires the character of supersignificant, and in case of failure a person experiences a collapse of the whole life. As a rule, life goals affect at least five areas of human activity...

1) Studying me and my place in the world, i.e. myself as a person: who am I, what am I like, what are my characteristics, in what world do I live, what is my place in this world? 2. Working out a positive attitude to myself, to my personal qualities, i.e. accepting them as valuable, necessary qualities. The ability to objectively assess when these qualities can be effective and in what cases they can interfere. 3. Formation of the ability to consciously use one's qualities and experience or consciously refrain from displaying certain qualities, habits, and skills...

Your life is a priceless gift. Your soul requires care and love. The soul, you know, dies without care. And who but you can treat it with the same tenderness and love as you treat your child? Who said that someone's life, even your child, is more important and significant than yours? Your life is the same miracle as any other, so is it possible to treat it blasphemously enough to allow yourself to be oppressed, tortured, sacrificed? Well, well, for example, I have convinced you that your life is no less valuable than that of your child...

In parallel with the search for his image is a search for an answer to the question: what kind of personality am I? Teenager attracts everything unusual. Therefore, he believes that he may be interesting to himself and others, only if it is original. Again the difficulties. Once again, the teenager feels that he is "unreachable". Why? He understands that while he lacks experience, knowledge, some qualities that will allow him to really think independently, he has not yet learned to create something new creatively...

Development of behavioral models that allow to communicate freely (these are the so-called models of successful communication), to express one's opinion (often a person does not express his/her opinion not because he/she does not dare, but because he/she does not know the rules that allow to express it without offending others). - Development of assertiveness, i.e. ability to communicate with others confidently, but not aggressively, to make compromises, taking into account both one's own and others' opinions and needs...

Often teenagers, having finally won their rights from their parents, leave on their shoulders all the responsibility for their actions. For example, having missed a lot of classes and faced the threat of being expelled, they demand that their parents "settle the matter"; have a drink with their buddies and give their parents the opportunity to clean their clothes; do not care about the cleanliness of their clothes during the day, and demand a clean shirt and trousers. The list can be endless. One of my acquaintances is a little rude, but he said: "I left my ass and left it"...

What exactly should be taken into account when building relationships with teenagers? Before adolescence, a child is not critical at all, either to his or her relatives or to himself or herself. He simply does not have a definite opinion about the surrounding. This opinion he copies in adults. In early adolescence, for the first time, a person tries to separate their parents' assessments from what they think about themselves. First of all, he begins to develop self-esteem. It turns out to be very difficult...