The Shadow

I have been through a difficult time the last few years, the last few months have been a little bit more difficult.
A serie of events ( Carreer, Health issues and a situationship) somehow made me finally accept the fact that I can not run away from my demons anymore. and that its time to face my shadow.
Shadow work is usually advised to be done when you are in a more or less confortable/stable situation in your life. Its not the case right now [Thats why I was avoiding thinking ..at all].
But life decided otherwise.

To begin with how it started : I started noticing some patterns in my behavior that I didn't like [No boundaries with others, lack of self respect, lack of self love, feeling not good enough, and other childhood traumas I will not talk about here].
I was aware of my traumas, but identifying specific behavioral patterns is quite new.

After few weeks of mental breakdown [Due to the pain of identifying this], refusal to accept reality as it is and encountering the trigger who started all of this few times after, well ... I do need this now.
Although now doesnt seem to be a good time : searching for new careers opportunities , focusing on my research and trying to get back my health on track, I have no choice but to start the shadow work.

I guess if I succeed, it means I am stronger than I actually think.
Anywas, lets get this post started ,
Whats a shadow?
For Jung, we all have two aspects of ourselves : The ego {The conscious part} and the shadow {The unconscious part which somehow control a large set of our behaviour without us being aware of it} call it the dark side if u want! I like both [hihi].

so whats shadow work?
Shadow work- the process where one explores ( and integrate/accept/live with) the hidden/uncoscious part of yourself {i.e shadow).
The shadow contains suppressed emotions, desires, fears and wounds/traumas that we might not be aware of bit which influence our thoughts and behaviour.
Shadow work as for me is going through this steps :
1- Identify it.
2-Accept it .
3-Learn to live with it ( I don't think we can delete this as its part of WHO we are. but using it to the good might be useful.

Identifying it
Yes, I finally recognized that I had this. I also identified that I need to work with it.

This is because I want to break the unhealthy patterns I have, and be at least in more peace with myself.
Why do I see more peace : Because I dont think its over and i will be living happy fulfilling life after this forever, I believe that we spent our whole life growing, learning and getting to know ourselves,
There is no age setting or time limit that says that by this age you should know this and this.
I might not know exactly what I want in my whole life, but I know what i want for the next few years. and I surely know what I dont want : I dont want an office job where i wake up every morning to do the same boring thing everyday. I don't want my brain to stop working, learning. I have did that for few years and felt like a zombie.

I know I have a shadow or shadows [Not ready to talk about this here and now].

2- Accepting it

Work in progress

I am at this stage now. Its very difficult for me to accept it