For a different kind of wedding, take a trip back in time
Natalya Voroshilova (that's my maiden name)
Special to The Moscow News
Contemporary Moscow weddings usually involve a trip to the ZAGS registry office, followed by a champagne-fuelled whistle-stop limo tour of city sights for photo opportunities and then a party.
But there is another way, blending ancient rituals to ease the couple through a transition into a new, shared world step by step.
Tatyana and Stanislav Maksiny are a modern-day couple who opted for a traditional wedding, and they shared the symbolism behind the ceremony.
Before the big day
The wedding itself is the end of a careful process beginning with the “smotrini”, where a would-be bride is presented, and the “svatovstvo” proposal – indispensible parts of the symbolic process.
It starts with a groom’s “svakha” (matchmaker) taking him to the parents of the bride-to-be, who is highly praised by her father and introduced her (?) to her husband in the most favourable light. The deal is sealed by a handshake with which the father agrees to free his daughter so that she can join the family of her future husband.
Between two families
It is a tough time for the bride-to-be, though. Parents and matchmakers from both sides gather together and the girl is handed over amid drinking and singing.
Tatyana recalled how she sat alone under a veil, singing farewell songs to her parents, her home and the beloved places of her past.
“The whole world disappeared, I saw no people around me, outside sounds deadened, everything around me was like a blurred background,” Tatyana said.
Once the veil comes off, things remain awkward with the bride no longer part of her parents’ family, but not yet married.
“I felt like an orphan and that condition continued until the actual wedding,” she said.
Until the wedding, the bride -- extremely vulnerable at the time -- has to wear a headscarf when in public to avoid the evil eye. Typically brides feel isolated at this time, and only after the wedding do brides return to reality, completely different and renewed.
Cleansing hen party
The night before the wedding, the bride and her girlfriends go to a banya to cleanse body and soul. For the last time, the svakha plaits her hair and the bride sings farewell songs to her girlfriends and free life. She usually cleans her body with soap presented to her by her future husband. After that, the soap is considered to have healing power and is used when somebody in the family is ill.
The big day
The groom with his “druzhka” (best man) svakha, parents and friends sing, dance, go through trials and solve riddles set by the bride’s girlfriends. Next comes the buy-out, and a final riddle, before the bride’s “krasa” (a ribbon representing her unmarried beauty) is sold to him and tied around his waist as an amulet.
While the groom faces his trials, his bride sits with her mother in a chamber called a “gornitsa” and bids farewell, singing a traditional “Cuckoo” song. The mother unplaits her daughter’s hair and passes the krasa to the groom.
The bride’s mother veils her daughter, preparing her for the big transition. The svakha whisks the bride away from her mother, giving her to the groom. As the traditional wedding song “Bindweed over Water” (“Vyun nad vodoi”) ends, the bride is with her husband. The parents bless them and they set off for the groom’s family home.
A new departure
Veiled and unable to see the path, the bride obediently follows her groom as he takes her through the forest. In front of the couple the druzhka drives away bad spirits; behind him the groom’s svakha sweeps the path in front of the couple. Behind the couple, the bride’s svakha sweeps the couple’s steps away, cutting off the way back.
“All the way I was taking her through the forest I could feel my strength and great responsibility, I felt how fragile she was and wanted to help her,” said Stanislav.
On their way the couple jump over a fire to cleanse their mind and soul and prepare for the meeting with the groom’s parents.
Bread and fur
The groom’s parents greet the couple with a round loaf called a “karavai” on a symbolically embroidered towel called a “rushnik”. The couple kneel on a fur coat and both take a bite of the bread. The groom’s mother passes her son to the bride with her blessing, welcoming her into the family as an equal.
Now the bride sits on the fur coat, a symbol of wealth and prosperity. A single woman has one plait, and after marriage she has two -- so her husband braids one plait and his svakha the other one. One plait gives energy for the individual, the other one for the family, thus the energy is spread equally.
The bride sits to her husband’s left and the union is made, their hands tied with the rushnik. Everybody cheers and congratulates them, wishing them prosperity and happiness, pouring grain on them.
‘There was so much joy and force in this ritual,” said Tatyana. “Close people shared health, joy and their good mood with us!’.
The ritual is followed by a feast, which must include “kurnik” (a pie with different kinds of grain separated by pancake layers), “rybnik” (fish pie), a decorated chicken and eggs. One of the svakhas passes the chicken among the guests and as they put eggs on the plate close to the bird they wish the couple prosperity. The chicken is given to the newlyweds, and each with only one hand free, they try to serve the guests with meat and one egg each, wishing them all the best in turn. The feast continues all night, with jokes and dancing.
After all the trials, the bride burns the krasa and the veil, as these were the remains of her bygone days of singledom.
The final step is the wedding night. Sheets are covered with grain, a symbol of fertility, and on the morning after the wedding night the grain is planted or scattered around the house. The rest follows naturally, and with any luck the story will end like a Russian folk tale: ‘They lived a long and happy life’.
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How to do it
If you’d like to have a traditional Russian wedding, the Vedzhena Zhensky Krug (women’s circle) is one group that can organise it for you.
The group says that anyone who is willing can have this type of wedding – but the couple would still have to go to the ZAGS registry office at some point to sign all the necessary paperwork.
For a traditional Russian wedding you'll need a wedding dress for the bride and a suitable outfit for the groom, belts and a “krasa” ribbon (all preferably made by the bride, otherwise ordered),and a veil(veil is not used in the buy-out, but in other rituals); sweets, money for the buy-out of the bride, a “rushnik” towel (preferably embroided by the bride, otherwise bought), “karavai” bread, “kurnik” and “rybnik” pies (the recipes will be provided by the organisers), kvas and kisel to drink, plus the chicken and eggs. That’s all that’s required -- the rest is for the couple to decide.
So far, demand isn’t exactly high -- since Vedzhena formed three or four years ago, it has only organised three such weddings. The group is also involved in restoring other ancient traditions and passing this knowledge to women, with training sessions, embroidery master-classes, and traditional celebrations to revive what has been forgotten by present-day women.