Да, сегодня будут просто анекдоты.
Читайте, переводите, смейтесь.
Не забывайте, что английский юмор очень часто основан на игре слов)
- Some Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes
were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being
bitten. Then one of the scouts saw some lightning bugs and said to his
friend, “We might as well give up. They’re coming after us with
flashlights.”
- My cat is so smart. He eats cheese, then waits at the mouse hole with
baited breath.
- Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can hunt knights.
- A cowboy had two horses, but he couldn’t tell them apart. He cut off one
horse’s mane, but it grew back; he cut off the tail, but that grew back,
too. A friend suggested that he measure the horses. The cowboy
measured them and went to his friend and said, “That was a great idea—
the black one was two inches taller than the white one.”
- Steve: How did your parakeet die?
Fred: Flu.
Steve: Don’t be silly. Parakeets don’t die from the flu.
Fred: Mine did. He flew under a bus.
- Two guys were hiking in the forest when they suddenly came across a big grizzly bear.
The one guy took off his hiking boots and put on some running shoes. His friend said to him, “You’re crazy! Don’t you know how fast grizzlies are? You’ll never be able to outrun it!”
“Outrun it?” said his friend. “I only have to outrun you!”
- A blonde called 911 to report that someone had stolen her car’s steering wheel, accelerator, dash board, and radio.
When the police officer came out to the scene, he called dispatch and said,
“Disregard. She sat in her backseat by mistake.”
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time,
when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, so she decides to go up and investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. Theyall have white knuckles.
The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great
time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
Well, guys, have a nice Day!