It's just awful. Morning begins with viewing "his" pages, that a new, that he there wrote in his hot delirium, whom and where "liked" — tells me, girlfriend, – during the workday I several times t on "his" page, to watch, when he the last time went in-network. And on the evening begins most interesting, then would I nor was busy, I necessarily, that a new have him, what new photo, then of walking on page his lop-cheeked fools-wife, which is photographed immediately and in all poses with great and dog and think. Ah, no trait I this do. After all, completely and absolutely clear that nothing we have with him would not work, and his wife is ugly stupid and jealous, not even one, because to this aging idiot and not to be jealous, but still go and watch. What for?
In response, I just shrugged and since I passed such a fate, out of habit, turned to the psychologist with questions: "Why do we monitor the life of the former?" and" how do you stop doing that?»
Why are we monitoring the ex's life?
And here we are waiting for a completely discouraging answer: if you monitor the former man, then he is not any former, and the most that neither eat real, really does not happen. And spat, that he is married, and you can already withdraw married and that hundreds of kilometers between you, and two years passed, as you split up forever, until you sit in social networks, observing lives former, he remains your present.
Psychologists give a simple example: no one monitors the life of a person indifferent to you. Well, you will agree, you do not sit on the page of a former classmate Kolya Petrov and do not watch with interest, what he ate his sides and where he still had hair got out from his head. And all because, anyway. Not interesting.
Sometimes, rummaging in the life of the former, as in the cesspool of painful memories, the woman herself can not really understand why she does it. Because love lives? Because hatred is overwhelming? Because hate is love poisoned by resentment? Be that as it may, if you are still monitoring the life of an ex-man, it's time to admit that you are terribly lonely, even if in the next room snoring new husband.
Happy women rarely wander on social networks, and absolutely, absolutely do not monitor the life of an ex-man. They want it? Yes and what have him wife, by and large, should be would still, this same his wife and his choice, and what have him girlfriend, spat. If you're hovering on the ex's page, then you're not happy, and instead of talking about his wife's hanging cheeks, you better look at yourself. What's wrong with you? Why do you cling to the past with such pathological insistence and cannot break with it in any way?
Psychologists know the answer and it is not easy, at first glance, the question. It is very difficult to let go of the past, because not only bad memories are associated with the past, but also absolutely, unreal good ones. It's especially hard to let go of the past if the man was once deeply loved. The first glance, the first kiss, gentle embrace. Each couple had such moments when it seems that happiness will stop the heart. When the earth went from under his feet when love was dizzy. And it is these feelings that make us cling to the past, which is no longer there.
The life of the former, you seem to walk on the edge of past love, clutching at the Mirage of past relationships. Even quite real pain from his new photos in an embrace with his new girlfriend brings perverted pleasure-you touched the past once again.
How to stop monitoring an ex-man?
Frankly speaking, asking such a question to the psychologist, I expected the long and muddy scheme, like, to write five letters to the former man, to break, forgive, shout, throw out and burn. Or go to the temple and pray to something there and someone there and everything as a hand will remove. Or ... Or...
But professionals, precisely because they are professionals, not chicken psychologists, answered me briefly and clearly: if you want to stop monitoring an ex-man, just do not go to his page on social networks.
That it? I was terrified that I would tell my friend, is it really that simple? It turns out that Yes, it is. It is impossible to help a person if he does not want to help himself. It is impossible to order a woman to no longer live in a past relationship if she does not want to put an end to them.
But still, psychologists have given some good advice on how to stop monitoring the life of the former easier and faster:
- to remove all their pages in social networks, communicate with friends can be and in other ways (finalize and agents still no one not canceled);
- when arises keen desire to to know as "have him" Affairs, remind itself, that "his" Affairs, this now headache his wife or his girlfriends, not your;
- choose a moment (right now, for example) and say to yourself "Stop! Until, my former Vasya, henceforth our virtual worlds become parallel", and more never, never, never take an interest in his lives.
Psychologists are right, the past can not be returned, no matter how much you want it.