When a woman becomes a mother, it is not easy for her to return to the role that was before the birth of the child. Again become favorite woman, wife, mistress for her husband. She gets into conflict with herself: how to remain attractive, desirable, interesting, but at the same time to be a good mother. This article is about how to find your way back to yourself.
Other role
With the birth of a child, the roles in the family change, and the spouses become parents. It's no secret that in the first years of a child's life, the mother for him is everything: food, satisfaction of needs for love and affection, interesting pastime, knowledge of the world. Twenty-four hours a day she was with him, his beloved, only mother! It is very easy for a woman facing the role of a mother to fall into the trap: "If I am everything for the child, then he must become and be everything for me." It happens unconsciously, and perhaps you read these lines and wonder: "well, of course, I have to become everything, but how else?". Otherwise and truth can be, but about this slightly later. The mother has no time for herself, she thinks only of the child. Such a woman builds her life around the child and only for the child, forgetting that next is her dear and beloved man, her husband, who more than ever needs her support, affection, and love...
A sign of an unhealthy relationship
We will always be mothers to our children, and when they were born, and when they go to kindergarten and school, and when they will have their own children. They will always be our children. Especially if the child is desired and long-awaited, it will be more difficult for a woman to be a woman again, and not just a mother. I know many mothers who say, " a Child is everything to me!", "I live only for him"," My whole life is my child", "I understand that I'm all about it". And where in all this lost husband, family relationships, intimate life? By putting it all on the back burner, by giving yourself entirely to motherhood, you are unknowingly destroying your family. Yes, this is a paradox and a sign of unhealthy family relationships. It would seem that a wonderful mother who does everything for her child, invests all of herself in his education and development, is not a good wife for her husband. Well, when all this gets along in the family: and the care of the child, and the warmth of the spouses to each other. But this is not the case in every family. Some women who are so "fixated" in the role of" mother", sometimes even stop noticing her husband next... What will happen next in such a family, I think you can guess. If it will be able to function and exist at all.
About guilt
This feeling begins in the pregnancy of a woman and accompanies almost all of her motherhood (if not all). Thanks to him, a lot of mistakes are made, because the feeling of guilt in the upbringing of children is not always useful. Very often the desire of mothers for themselves, for their "I", for their needs is replaced by this feeling: "How can I think about myself when my tiny baby is waiting for me at home, how can I think about anything else but her!". Such thoughts of the very first birthdays of a child can start an unconscious process in the brain that you should spend as much time with children as possible. The pressure of society that we do nothing (or do anything wrong) for our children only reinforces guilt. And getting rid of it, when it has become as familiar as your own child, is very difficult. Many parents are willing to give up everything in the name of their children. The paradox is that parents who are willing to go out of their way so that their children will not have a shadow of doubt or irritation suffer from this themselves. Exhausted, angry parents in this state can not give children anything good.
It is not easy for parents, especially mothers, to separate their own emotions from those of their children. They often see children as an extension of themselves and refuse to recognize their individuality and independence. We already know what pain and disappointment, fear and betrayal, so we strive to insulate at all costs their own children from all this. But our children need such experience to grow up and be able to cope with life's difficulties. When we are tormented by guilt and subordinate our whole life to the child, we forget that our children are different from us, they are different. We lose both our individuality and do not notice the individuality of our own children.
About love of spouses
Some couples believe that showing their feelings towards each other in front of the child — it's not right. That this can pervert his, deter from subsequent relations with the opposite gender and camping on p. All of these myths. On the contrary, the manifestation of feelings of spouses to each other is not only pleasant but also very useful for the child. He learns the right model of relationships and family model, in which there is love, openness, warmth. It teaches the child to express his feelings, to accept them. And the spouses, in turn, does not extinguish the flame of passion and love that was before the birth of the child.
Speaking about feelings, passion, and love, it is impossible not to touch upon the theme of sexuality and the preservation of the femininity of the mother-woman, despite the birth of a child. Of course, the body after the birth of a child changes, there may be a different attitude to his own body, complexes. Here just need the support of her husband, who, as before, loves you very much. Do not close yourself from it, be physically responsive. It is not easy to find the way to your sexuality if all your spheres of life are subordinated to the upbringing of children.
Return to yourself and your family
Do you think a happy woman can have a happy child and a happy family? Of course! A woman who finds time for herself in any situation, even in the situation of the birth of a child, and who enjoys the pleasant little things that she does for herself, can be called happy. I agree that it's not easy to find time for yourself when you start living for another person, your child. A child to whom the mother devotes all her time risks growing capricious, spoiled, infantile. He, this child-chief in family, and the whole world stands at around him. This is a model of dysfunctional relationships in the family, that is, unhealthy. Parents should be the main thing in the family. Father and mother. The child should know about it and respect it. And if in such a correct model of relations you will find time for your husband, for yourself, for your Hobbies, the child will respect you for the time for yourself. And the husband will be grateful for the time gladly given to him. A happy woman is one who, despite motherhood, remained true to herself and her husband, to her values.
Everything is in your hands!