Recently, a lot of watching the motives of those who are looking for female development.
And came to this conclusion: many girls and women (not all!!!), who comes to "femininity" have a main goal — the struggle with their failures and lack of success.
This very failure can be of different "types". Someone can not meet the right man and create a relationship, someone has the same relationship is not as we would like, someone can not find themselves and their place in this world, someone wants to see her husband successful. And all this gives a lot of anxiety and frustration.
Information comes about femininity, many identify themselves with it and understand: "Yes, here is where I have a gap, that's what will help me cope with my failures, this is so much talk that if a woman is not such and such, then it means she has such and such problems." And femininity-turns into a way to deal with his failure!
These girls and women begin to absorb information and all sorts of practices in order to influence the situation. Oh, these are the most persistent and diligent "students"! They are prepared meditate hours, fulfill practice for practice, ask many issues, stubbornly wear skirts only grinding halt after length and use the evenings milk for strengthening lunar energy and camping on D. and camping on D. But over a certain time, committing global papers on resurrection of female energy and persistent occupational, they come to what forces their dried up, and the situation almost not has changed. And the more they do, the more tension grows, and the joy becomes less. And a little bit more and the same disappointment and despair will cover again! "I are unable to change anything, but tried very hard!"And again the anguish increases:" What am I doing wrong?»
But the paradox is that at this starting point, you don't get much out of femininity because you didn't come for it. They have become tools of manipulation, with the aim to win his failure! She is your main enemy, which you want to destroy. You put a lot of effort into it, and you lose power. At this starting point, it is not femininity that needs to be worked with.
Let's look at what is failure and failure — a state that occurs when your expectations do not coincide with the actual achievements. And here is on this reality sometimes very painful for watch, it's not want to accept, its frightening to recognize! And all the practices that are used in this state, begin to work to help escape from this unbearable reality. And there is a growing distance from the root of the problem.
The point is that there is no acceptance of reality, it is very difficult to change something.
One of the important reasons we can't accept reality is that we can't forgive ourselves for it.
"I had a relationship, but I messed it up, and now I'm alone for a long time!", "In 18 years made an abortion, and now not can conceive, hate themselves for this!", "I married a more promising, and love the other, now he's cheating on me, and I hate myself for this error!", "If I was a better wife, and respected my husband, he would have received a promotion long ago, and now everyone has beaten him!".
Sometimes, to move places, in solving problems, it is possible only to forgive yourself for your mistakes! For when we accuse, we chain ourselves to one place.
Also, something can be very difficult to reconcile is the lack of success! The higher the expectations of oneself, the greater the demands that are placed on oneself, and the greater the disappointments that occur! Without getting what one wants, one becomes more and more depressed.
"Here I will buy a Porsche Cayenne, come to a meeting of classmates, let them know who has achieved what in life", "it is Unbearable to go to birthdays to friends, they are all family and all the talk about husbands, future plans, gifts, and I am divorced and lonely, I feel humiliating, there is no husband or child", "Why is this Ritka so lucky that men give her fur coats and cars, and I can not wait for 3 tulips on March 8, then I am worse?!", "There she studied together at the Institute, and your business was opened and a successful husband and the children are well mannered, and I have...".
Because I will try to conquer new horizons, conquer the top, become the most feminine in the world... that I had something to love! To let everyone know that I'm worth something, too.
In fact, behind the race for success (even with innocent, at first glance, the goals to find female happiness), sometimes lie unrealized needs for love, recognition, approval, which can not be satisfied. It seems that when I achieve success, "I will become the most feminine in the world," everyone will love me, and I will no longer feel the emptiness that I carry in myself. Inside is a "black hole", which constantly requires recharge, and which can not be filled.
Such a "hole" is formed inside when a child grows up in a family where high demands are placed on him, he is constantly expected to achieve, and is encouraged to show that he is loved only if he realizes these expectations.
And since no child can live or develop normally without love, success becomes as necessary as air. He needs success, no matter what! And in later life, to him feel favorite needs what something achieving, of the credit what any. And the biggest tragedy is that this man no longer believes that he will be loved just like that! "Without the luxury of a machine or flow of the chakras to 80 level"!
And if he does not believe that it is possible to love just like that, without achievements, and with others builds relationships on the same model.
This man is beginning to their assess: "Now will check how you feminine!"—and feels a sense of satisfaction, of superiority over those who are weaker, but at the same time feels awkward to those who are stronger.
One's own weakness becomes hateful, intolerable! And he burns with shame when someone sees his helplessness or inability in anything. In these moments he hates themselves and other. Because their own mistakes, failures, blunders, weakness so painful for him, and he not wants with them come to terms.
Alas, in this case, you will not help pumping female energy. Your way out is to learn to accept your weakness, your mistakes, to live your shame and hatred, to deal with the inner child, to learn to build relationships not from the position of evaluation. Then you will be able to accept the love of this World, the "black hole" will be tightened.
And only then, when this stage is passed, the disclosure of your female potential will bear fruit and bring joy!