Have you ever met people who often delay and delay things? For some people, this behavior is occasionally activated, for others it is common, and for others, there are those for whom passive behavior becomes a lifestyle.
But some people find it so difficult to behave otherwise that it is almost impossible. It is in this case that we are talking about passive-aggressive personality disorder. In any tense situation, they react by going into a passive state. For them, it is an automatic reaction, not a consciously chosen one of many others.
The purpose of passive behavior is not to achieve results. And there are many ways to do this.
Delaying
When a man is asked to do something, he says something like "let's go later," "not now," "I'll see later," and... Nothing happens. The naive petitioner seriously thinks that the person he or she is talking to isn't up to the task and expects him or her to get back to the subject when he or she is free. But this does not happen.
Care
This form of passive behavior implies "no presence" in the situation or conversation. A person either physically leaves the room or emotionally withdraws - changes the subject, becomes silent, goes to a computer or phone.
"Playing silly"
Instead of doing it, a man asks a million questions: "How? Where to go? What can I say? And if so, what if it is? But the point is not to get these very answers, but to make it easier for the person who asks to do it himself than to explain it.
Forgetting everything
These people especially often forget something important that another person asked for. We forget either what is traumatic for us or what we want to remember or not to do.
Don't know what they want
When someone offers something, they find the disadvantages in any of the options. Everything doesn't suit them, everything doesn't suit them. But when desperate people are running out of imagination, and they directly ask our hero what he wants, what would suit him, he can not say anything concrete. He denies it, without offering it.
Lack of specificity
- What can I do to make you happy?
- Well, something good to make me feel happy.
- So, the feeling is clear. And what should I do to make it happen?
- I don't know, just do it!
And then there are the resentments that the person wasn't made happy.
Too easy? Tangle!
People with passive-aggressive traits turn any business into an impossible one. They make things so complicated and confusing that they would have done ten times in that time. Well, at least something. But they get stuck in irrelevant details, get confused and do nothing at all. If they are directly pointed out the simple and obvious way, they will not use it but will complicate the situation up to the feeling of a complete dead end.
Destruction of agreements
You can make an agreement with such a person, he even leaves his head, but at the last moment he will either set up, or will not have time, or something will happen that will destroy all your plans. These are people you shouldn't count on. The fact is that unconsciously they believe that any agreement is a necessity, a pressure. And any "must" in their soul is activated by the program-autopilot "I will not allow you to force yourself!" They wage war for the sake of war and do not notice how in the heat of battle they destroy their forces, resources, and goals.
Only not directly
People with passive-aggressive features experience great difficulties in communication. And it happens because they try to do everything indirectly.
He acts as if his goal is to be dissatisfied and dissatisfied, to conceal the resentment and roll it out retroactively.
Such people, of course, cause great irritation. They are hard to live with, hard to work with. They feel that everyone around them is to blame, that no one understands, does not want and cannot help or support them.
Where do passive-aggressive traits come from?
It's very simple: once parents forced a child to do what they thought was right, and the child defended his or her autonomy by resisting their pressure. For direct refusal he was punished, so he learned to refuse secretly, passively. Once this fight was external, but over time he got so used to fighting all the time that it turned into an internal struggle. More precisely, it was a habit to resist and rebel.
What to do with it?
Those who suffer from their passive aggression - to listen to their desires, to voice them and learn to say "no" aloud, not by sideways. For those around you, encourage direct rejection.
Passive behaviors may seem to occur in people who are lazy, weak, and lacking in energy. Such a person has energy, it is simply directed to the struggle, not to the result. And as long as he does not want to find and defeat the enemy's inner, there will be no success and achievements - not enough strength. On the other hand, it will always seem that there are external enemies that need to be fought at all costs.