The eternal umbilical cord
The bond between mother and daughter is so strong that it can last a lifetime. Regardless of time and distance. The mother may be dead for a long time, but the daughter still feels an indissoluble connection with her.
Human nature is arranged in such a way that, being born, a person becomes completely dependent on the mother. Her love and acceptance — the main and the first time the only meaning of life of the little man. The mother is the only link between the baby and reality. Through the mother and her attitude, the child gets an idea of the world around him.
People say that the sins of parents are transmitted to 7 generations. The statement is correct in essence. Psychoanalysis talks about painful scenarios that are passed down from generation to generation. After all, a mother is also someone's daughter.
If a woman's mother has a good relationship with her mother, the daughter is unlikely to face open manifestations of negative feelings.
Often the same close relationship with his mother will go into the relationship with her daughter. Mother and daughter become best friends. They have no secrets from each other. Mother-daughter relationships are Central to both their lives. They do everything together. A mother may have a husband, but he stands a little apart from the mother-daughter couple. A daughter can also have a family, but, as a rule, the mother also becomes part of the family, takes an active part in all events, decision-making and so on. The influence of the mother on the daughter's life may not be obvious, but hidden. But it is and the size of this merger is huge.
Even if the mother and daughter are at odds, do not communicate with each other, the relationship is not lost. It remains and continues to affect both, regardless of time and distance.
In the opposite situation, when a mother and her mother did not have a very good or even bad relationship, there is another danger. Mother, herself as a little girl, did not receive love, affection, and attention. And these grievances still live inside.
The grown woman-mother inside remains the little offended girl who demands that didn't receive in childhood. And it is this little girl who will be jealous of her daughter. She will envy and hate. And if in my daughter's life would be something that was not his mother, the girl inside mom will furiously compete for these benefits and suffer from its deprivation. It is difficult for a mother to understand, much less acknowledge, such feelings. But this does not diminish their influence.
These feelings, these scenarios are passed down from mother to daughter from generation to generation. And many women-daughters sincerely do not understand the trends and are surprised when they realize the envy and hatred on the part of their mother.
The conflict between mother and daughter escalates from time to time. This is especially noticeable when the girl is in the process of growing up and maturing toggles your love with mom dad.
The mother's unconscious jealousy and resentment knows no bounds. She feels superfluous and unnecessary, seeing as between her daughter and her daughter's father, a special warm relationship develops. And within women-mothers again is waking up a small resentful girl, that in another time defied and betrayed. And all subsequent actions are dictated by this little girl.
With the son, the woman develop other relationships. Therefore, at the birth of a son, the conflict subsides. Her inner girl is not jealous or envious, she is silent because she does not see a threat to herself.
Separation
For a woman-daughter, a very difficult stage in life is the second separation from the mother. At some point, you need to break the psychological umbilical cord. This means to not be dependent on the views of mothers, for her approval and advice. Stop feeling guilty and indebted. It's time to stop trying to be good.
The psychological umbilical cord that prevents a woman to become an adult, to get away from the child's position. And to break this umbilical cord is to start living your life, making your own decisions, but at the same time to support the mother. But not from the position of the eternally guilty child who seeks forgiveness and approval. It's from an adult perspective.
To interrupt a series of painful scenarios of some kind is possible only by solving children's conflicts with their mother. Getting rid of deep feelings of guilt, resentment, envy, and other unpleasant feelings, a woman-daughter will help not only herself but also her mother.
If the stages of growing up and separation from the mother were not passed in time. In the future, this will become a necessary, complex and lengthy process. Experience shows that true separation occurs only after a few years of therapeutic work.
During this period, a woman learns to be a woman, learns aspects of the female role. Learning to love and build a healthy relationship with a man.
Internal conflict with the mother blocks the feminine. It becomes impossible to discover a Woman, to accept and love the Female nature.
You can't change the past, you can't go back to your childhood and do things differently. You can't change your mother. But you can change yourself. Relive childhood grievances, transform them into a new experience.
Love yourself.