Then, how do we deal with the common "male and wife alliance damage" phenomenon around us?
- Attachment to parents, more than attachment to a partner
In China, many women marry and marry into their families. In addition to the husband and wife relationship, the relationship between the husband and wife, the younger brother, the younger sister, and other husbands’ family members.
The couples who have divorced to maintain their respective native families have not seen a few.
For example, in the face of conflicts between mother and daughter, the performance of the husband is particularly important. Most husbands will be distressed. Some husbands will favor their mothers, some will favor their wives, and some husbands will simply evade.
What should I do?
At this time, it is necessary to strengthen the marital union. It is not to let the husband unite his wife to fight against his mother, but to make the mother-in-law and the father-in-law form a closer emotional connection, and let the husband and wife form a closer emotional connection.
The proper boundaries between the two independent husband and wife systems allow the system between parents and children to function properly without disturbing the husband and wife system.
As a result, the problems between mother-in-law and mother-in-law will cease to exist.
Many times, the reason why parents interfere with their children's union is that their parents' alliance is not strong enough.
- One party is intimate with the child, and one party is alienated from the child
In China, the care of most children is the responsibility of the mother, and the father is “married” to work.
Then, the mother and the child naturally form a closer relationship, and the husband is alienated from everyone.
When the husband wants to get involved, he finds that the alliance between the mother and the child is already very strong and can't be inserted.
At this point, once there is a contradiction between the husband and wife, the child is likely to get involved and become a tool for the spouse to attack the other party. When the child complains to Dad, "Do you want to go home early, take us out to play?" Inadvertently, the child acts as the mother's mouthpiece.
But be aware that the relationship with the child can never replace the relationship of the partner, as the folk saying goes, "filial piety is not as good as half-way husband and wife." Even if the old man is widowed, the best way to respect the elderly's own wishes is to help them find a new partner, rather than the children constantly providing care.
- Ta is more willing to talk to friends than a partner.
Fan Yiqi has a song called "A Summer Like Autumn". The lyrics describe the friendship between friends. It says: "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be sure. Friends know better than lovers. If it's not you, I don't believe that friends are more than a lover..." It is said that this describes the friendship between Fan Qiqi and Xiao S.
Sometimes friends are indeed longer-lasting relationships, but we should also control the boundaries of friendship and marital relations, and don't let friendships get involved in the relationship.
It is not uncommon to see a gap between partners because of friends. For example, many people prefer to talk to their friends and friends, and rarely tell their partners, or tell their friends about their grievances...
These situations are rarely malicious, but if a third party gets something from your spouse from you, for example, if you complain to your friend about your spouse, the spouse himself has never heard of you, it will bring great risks to the spouse union.
Finally, a few more words.
What we call the husband-and-wife alliance is not to let everyone compare the relationship between husband and wife with parents, children, friends, and decide who is contemptuous and who chooses who to give up - that is too extreme.
What we want to talk about is how to make a better balance for your family relationship.
When you form a good alliance of couples, you can help the family to work more harmoniously. Parents return to their parents' positions. Children simply become children, friends are qualified friends... When the relationship around us is there Preface, life is naturally lovely.
At this moment, I will look back at the question of "who is going to save the wife and mother at the same time, and save the first one." Is there any open-mindedness?