Are you good at seeing other people's jokes and lies? Do you have any experience of being deceived?
In fact, the counseling room is also a high-lying area of “lie”: visitors sometimes accidentally provide incorrect information due to memory errors, attribution errors, etc. Sometimes they may not dare to say because of introversion/fear of being condemned. To be honest, or because of shame, I dare not reveal my inner thoughts; even sometimes, ta will deliberately make stories to tease or deceive consultants...
For the consultant, if you can successfully identify the visitor's lies, you may be able to open another door, which will help better help the visitors.
So, how will the counselor face the “lie” of the visitor?
What is a "living visitor"?
01
to a certain extent, it is normal for
visitors not to tell the truth.
Many times, visitors "not telling the truth" are not deliberately lying, distorting facts, telling lies, but more likely to conceal the need to talk about "sadness" and "fear of being condemned". Important issues, or to do some weakening or exaggeration when discussing issues, it may also be afraid of lying with the counselor hurts feelings, embarrassed and other reasons to lie about the progress of the real consultation.
A number of studies have found that approximately 20% to 46% of visitors will keep secrets for consultants (Hill et al., 1993; Kelly, 1998; Pope & Tabachnick, 1994).
In fact, almost all visitors are concealing the consultant at some stage of the consultation. This is similar to the process of dealing with people in normal life and always requires a gradual process.
Some visitors are holding a mood of " I will be ready when I am ready " (Baumann & Hill, 2016).
Regarding whether the visitors will deliberately "tude the consultant", this does not see the relevant research, and it can be considered relatively rare for the time being.
02
Visitors lie to the consultant / There is a lot of concealment
that needs to be brought to the attention of the consultant.
The so-called "need to attract attention" does not mean that "lying" is important, but that it is important for visitors to "why lie ."
The consultants identify and think about the truth or lie that the visitors say, not to judge them, but to better accept them, thus helping the visitors to better accept themselves.
Some people will think that the visitors pay the money and say that the truth is their choice and freedom, and the consultant will accept them. At first glance, these arguments seem to make sense. Doesn’t Mr. Rogers say that he wants to “unconditionally accept” visitors?
But in fact, if you want to be clear, it is only a superficial phenomenon that visitors are concealed and not telling the truth. The concealment of the visitor may indicate:
- The relationship of mutual trust and consultation has not yet been established. The visitor has no sense of security about the secrets that he can hardly express.
- It is still said that the experience of the visitor is too painful and too shame for him. He needs a consultant to ask him, pull him and tell him that he can safely and unreservedly in the space of the consultation room. Talking about his unspeakable secret?
At this time, the visitor really needs the consultant to “unconditionally accept” and tells him that no matter how dark his secret is, the consultant will not judge him and blame him, but will understand and tolerate him.
03. Can you identify visitors to "lie"
is not a "senior experience"
by consciousness and attention
Is it easier for a senior consultant to identify the truth of a visitor? Maybe.
But this "maybe" is not because they "cultivation" has become a glare, nor is it because they see more and more than they can see their eyes, but because they change from " seeing their own protagonist" to "visiting visitors." "Being the protagonist" , paying more attention to the words and deeds of the visitors, and being more capable of perceiving, accepting and even appreciating the beauty of human diversity.
How do consultants face "lie"?
01. Strengthening the relationship of consultation
The most frequently concealed problem for visitors is related to “sex”, who have reservations about the counselor because of their shame or sexuality.
These findings once again reflect the importance of fostering a mutually trusting relationship and remind the counselor to convey to visitors a message that these unspeakable things can be discussed in the consultation, and the counselor will accept the most Complete them, they will communicate with you with an attitude of not judging.
02. Take the initiative to explore some sensitive topics
In addition, as mentioned earlier, consultants should consciously guide visitors to discuss some of the issues they avoid.
The study found that visitors have three prerequisites for the consultant to be honest and unreserved:
- Trust their consultants;
- Think they can benefit from telling their secrets;
- I feel that hiding these secrets will hinder the progress of their consultations (Baumann & Hill, 2016).
Of course, the premise that consultants go to discuss sensitive topics (such as sexual relations and abused experiences) with visitors is that they have established a good relationship. To explore is not the same as to dig the secrets of the visitors.
03. Spot the moment that the visitor wants to express but has difficulty expressing
Then help them express
Other researchers have mentioned that visitors must be contradictory and struggling before telling their secrets (Farber et al., 2006). They may not know how to express intricate emotions, and they will be afraid to evoke strong negative emotions in the process of expression, but this does not mean they do not want to express.
The counselor is going to be aware of the struggles that the visitors have shown in the consultations and to help their emotions and thoughts find their exit.