It’s not a sad fact that every friendship can go to the end. It’s a long-lasting friendship.
What is the problem with spicy?
When we make a new friend, it is unlikely to think about "how the future should end the relationship." However, as time goes by, we are growing up, and our friends are growing, but the direction and speed of growth are different – and gradually we will find that some friends are doomed to be no longer suitable for each other's lives.
In love, we usually use clear labels to indicate the relationship between us and our partners, such as "communication" and "breakup"; but friendship does not have such a label, "friends" and "dead" ......
And the end of friendship does not seem to have so many clear and clear rules, so it is easy for many careful and sensitive people to fall into a strange situation:
"I no longer want to be friends with someone, but I don't know how to end this relationship with dignity."
Therefore, many people simply choose to "deliver time" to the task of ending the relationship, silently no longer contact, leaving another person in the original myth, and occasionally have to send a WeChat temptation, has been deleted friends.
When will we choose to end a friendship?
There will be a situation where a person will actually produce the idea of "ending friendship".
- Certain values of a friend are contradictory and antagonistic to you, and cannot be reconciled. You often quarrel with this.
- Your interests have been damaged, such as the friend has a vicious competitive relationship with you.
- You no longer like this friend, but out of habit, in order to maintain the superficial friendliness
- Control crazy friends: ta always force you to do things, do not care about your feelings, always ta as the center, otherwise, you will lose your temper.
- Criticize madman friends: ta always picks you up, evaluates you even denying you to fight against your self-confidence, staying with ta often makes you doubt your self-worth.
- Friends who play the "Savior Game": ta will shape himself into a "victim" image, creating a feeling that you need it. The mantra is "I am relying on you" and hope that you can be saved. If you give up a supportive friend, it is important, but in the face of such a friend, you must have your own boundaries, otherwise, your energy will be consumed sooner or later.
...
The trouble is that in our culture, we rarely talk about how to end a relationship. We should be more educated about how to get along with others, and to persuade them to be disgusting, and so on.
Without discussing "why to end a friendship," many people will have difficulty realizing that "I have reason and right to choose whether to continue a relationship," especially when holding the "end of a friendship is shameful, meaning that they are interpersonal." There is a problem in the crowd of beliefs.
Common but not very effective way
Then, when people want to end a friendship but don't know how to do it, what will happen in the end?
- Malicious neglect: Suddenly cut off all contacts, such as WeChat, phone black
- Hostility and attack: such as picky, ironic, and slandering others
- Escape: If you ask a third party to help you communicate the end message
Some of these methods are appropriate in certain situations. But in general, they are not the most useful strategy, because what they have in common is to completely reject and deny this relationship in a simple and direct way. They can quickly overturn the boat of friendship, but the stamina is also great.
In order to end this friendship, we forced ourselves to become a "persecution". We neglected, evaded, attacked others and forced this friendship to break. But then? Are we really satisfied? Or more likely, we will apologize for our impulsiveness and rashness. In order to compensate for the damage caused to the other party, we are very likely to take some remedies to save the other party and continue this friendship.
In addition, a person can be friends with you, which at least means that you have spent some happy time together, and the completely negated way will be erased along with the parts that have been tacit and happy.
Maybe a more mature and effective way to end
- The Gradual fade-out
Gradually fading out the strategy means to reduce the social interaction with others, to get rid of each other's lives, and let the friendship end naturally. If you are more afraid of conflict and confrontation, or if the other party does not listen and accept your conversation, you can try this strategy.
In general, strategies that fade out can avoid direct harm. While gradually reducing social interaction with others is our deliberate choice, we always have a reasonably excuses to explain that this behavior is “too busy, so there is no time to attend the party.”
However, in some special cases, the gradual fading strategy may just look very friendly. If your friend doesn't accept the suggestion, then ta will try to guess what happened between you and why you suddenly disappeared, and then you may experience a state of tension.
If your friend hurts you because of personal problems (such as severe control madness, high narcissism, abuser, etc.), or if you don't want to explain and care about the relationship, it may be your best to gradually fade out the strategy. select.
- a formal and sincere interview (the Talk)
If you end up finding that the gradual fading strategy is not appropriate, or that it has no effect at all, then you can invite your friends to a formal conversation, similar to establishing and demonstrating their respective positions and exploring future relationships. A sincere conversation can provide you with a friendly farewell opportunity, but at the same time, you may find that conversations can help resolve differences and repair friendships.
First of all, when inviting friends, be sure to hope that the two can meet and talk, rather than by phone, WeChat, and voice. Face-to-face communication can convey more information, such as your sincere attitude.