In life, we will always find some girls who are in good condition in all aspects, but they will always be attracted by some very "bad" boys (commonly known as scum male). These men may not love them, indifference, selfishness, a few boats on their feet, or even married... but these girls still do not give up on them, and they are desperate.
This is very fascinating. Why do some women indulge in men who don’t love themselves and have no sense of responsibility?
Always fall in love with the scum man, what went wrong?
1. People who love too much can easily misunderstand pain into love.
The 29-year-old Jill met Randy at a party. They fell in love with each other at first sight. After 7 days, they formally established a relationship.
After the first week of passion, Randy left Jill's house and returned to his city. Randy just opened the door and Jill called. "I miss you, are you going home, I am worried that you are going on the flight." After that, Jill called Randy every night, and if Randy didn't pick up, she would become restless.
As the relationship deepened, Jill began to ask Randy for promises such as getting married and having children; but Randy was not ready yet, he said, "I don't know what I want, but I don't like the promise of being forced. If you insist on this, we'd better separate."
In Jill's eyes, this meant that she needed to work harder to win Randy's love, so she flew to the city of Randy to spend the weekend with him. Randy is very indifferent, he has been watching TV, playing games, drinking drunk, ignoring Jill.
Jill is a typical "woman who loves too much":
When we say that a person "loves too much", we are actually talking about her "obsessive obsession", this infatuation will give the other party a sense of oppression, want to escape, but they will mistakenly think that this is love. In their eyes, "love is painful and bloody."
That's why she still can't leave Randy when Jill is perfunctory and ignored. They equate the feeling of love with the feeling of pain. They mistakenly believe that the more painful the love is, the more real it will be.
2. Self-help guide for patients with severe lack of love
If you always fall in love with the scum, and this relationship makes your life a mess, what can you do to improve your situation?
1. Put your needs a little ahead, and believe that your needs are also important.
If you habitually please your partner in relationships and often subordinate your needs to your partner's needs, then from now on, you can try to advance your needs.
You are not a planet, you don't have to be a partner at all times. The first step in building a sense of self-worth is to believe that "I am also important."
2. See your true self, don’t expect unreasonable expectations for yourself.
We don't need to recognize all of our parts. Absolutely not when we all become good, we are lovely and valuable.
"The value of my life depends on how successful I am." This mentality is neither right or wrong. You just define the most valuable person as the most accomplished person. This mentality can neither be proven to stand up nor be refuted. Same as any value system. Both its positive and negative effects are both--if you decide to deny this value, then you may want to define self-worth as something unconditional, something you don't need to earn.
This new mindset will have some impact, and you will always feel worthwhile, even if it fails. In addition, you will never feel that you are humble or better than your partner.
In the end, you can choose your own life.
3. Don't be afraid to ask for help
If you have too many “obsessive fascination” in your relationship, you can learn about your behavior patterns and emotional state by borrowing some childhood trauma self-help books; if conditions permit, you can choose to work with a trusted counselor. To achieve the purpose of self-awareness and acceptance.
4. You don't need to use the love of the scum man to prove that you are cute and worthy of being loved.
When you wholeheartedly affirm that you are a worthy person, you no longer need to let yourself fall into a bad relationship, expecting a scum man to change himself to prove himself "cute".
In most cases, our efforts to change others are a selfish motive behind the belief that his change will make us happy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting happiness, but putting the source of happiness outside of yourself and putting it in the hands of others means that we escape the ability and responsibility to improve our lives.
In short, I hope you remember that your problem is often not too good for people, nor bad luck (always met with scum male) - maybe just because you have not learned how to face your true self.1.