Second, starting with honey love, finally greasy love - six people's love
Another of my visitors is because I always have a conflict with my boyfriend in love. She told me that they belong to the electric light and flint. At first sight, the sweetness of the first two months is not as good as three autumns. Sticking together every day, but as the time for getting along with each other increases, the contradictions between the two become more and more prominent. For example, the visitor likes to touch the head of her boyfriend. Every time the boyfriend will be very angry to avoid, and the boy’s head is not allowed. If you touch it, you will be tempted. Visitors think that this is a superstitious thought. You should remove this kind of spiritual dross, but your boyfriend will insist on his own opinions. After many such situations, the visitor will consider the two people. No, whether it should not continue to fall in love.
This is indeed a situation that often occurs in love. The concept that one party insists on is completely incomprehensible to the other party. In the consultation, I asked her: "I am very curious about what is the deep reason that caused the two of you to look at each other?" After that, we discussed the growth experiences of the two people. Gradually, she found that many of the original concepts were brought about by their family environment. My own branding, in the family of the visitor, parents often use physical movements to express emotions, while the boyfriend from the younger mother told him that he could not let the girls meet, saying that the rules were uploaded by the ancestors, so the boyfriend naturally insisted on it. , never compromise.
It is true that in love, the two meet and six people are present. It is so easy to get along with each other and get along easily. It must be recognized that in the relationship between the two individuals, the influence of their parents on themselves is also hidden. They will enter into their own relationship with each original version they have learned from their families. Therefore, love needs to “talk” and talk about it, and they can have more understanding of each other's individual differences. Develop a "love skill" that seeks common ground while reserving differences, and even enjoy a more open personal perspective brought about by the appreciation of differences.
If you can put the other person into their original family background, you can understand this easily. If you wishfully look forward to the other party's imagination, this is a more ideal state, and the most important thing in love is to break the idealization and enter the real phase. This stage determines the direction of your future relationship and The quality of love.
All love relationships are actually influenced by at least six people.
To reduce the impact of six people, you have to get along with each other, "talking up" about love, accepting differences, respecting, understanding, and understanding the meaning of seeking common ground while reserving differences.
Third, began to fall in love, and finally love again - unfinished love
Some visitors often continue to maintain a "empty window" after a period of love, and it is difficult to start a new relationship. One of my visitors told me that the last relationship did not realize how important it was to myself when I first met. On the contrary, I felt more and more difficult to forget. This caused the visitor to be unable to raise interest in love for two years and rejected several show lovers.
I specifically asked about the two people's experience of breaking up. It turned out that the two of them had reduced contact and no contact, and did not formally mention the breakup. In fact, the beginning and end of love requires a sense of ritual. This ritual sense refers to the definition of the psychological level of the parties. The break-up is an unfinished complex. As time goes by, if this knot is left unattended, it will become more and more entangled, and the parties will be unable to extricate themselves. So the visitor will refuse to start a new relationship because her last love has not really ended.
In the subsequent consultation, I suggested that she write all the feelings and regrets expressed to her boyfriend in the future and read it in the consultation room. Although the whole process is a bit difficult, the parties will write or read the letter. The letter will burst into tears, and it will be difficult to continue a few times. But after completing this "breakup ceremony," she told me that I feel a little relaxed, and I can slowly try to let go of this relationship.
When we end a relationship, it is equivalent to experiencing a loss - losing a close relationship. Loss is a matter of grief before it can be completed. Our emotions, if properly expressed and released, also contribute to the goal of growth. In the normal process of grief, nature will give us the ability to calm the emotions in the inevitable disappointment in life. Symbolically bidding farewell to previous intimacy, realizing the limitations of each loss, and the fact that you cannot have everything is conducive to growth. Growth will also help us to better grasp the next love.
All love without an internal breakup ceremony is not over.
To really end a relationship, you have to face up, break the loss, accept your limitations, and realize that the relationship will have different directions, and each direction has the next task.
Life is the sum of various subjective experiences. The wider the latitude of this experience, the more free people are. The deeper the longitude, the happier the person.
Love is also.