Usually, we will face some complicated "human things and environment", some parts of these things will affect us, we temporarily call this effect "S". When these effects occur, our cognition, emotions, body, and behavior will show some coping states (some people call them symptoms), and this state of appearance is called "R" for the time being. Because of these coping states, we have a final result "C".
For example :
On a romantic evening (environment), a girl and her boyfriend (S) enjoy a sumptuous candlelight dinner and take a walk along the beach (S).
The sound of the waves came from the ear, and the sea water crossed the feet of the two people from time to time. Occasionally, there were still hermit crabs crawling out of the sand. The boyfriend suddenly let go of the girl's hand and ran forward, leaving the girl alone behind him.
The girl was overwhelmed and chased up. Her boyfriend suddenly turned around and held the ring on one knee. (S), facing the girl who was chasing after him, said, "Marry me! Let me protect you forever." The
girl's brain is blank. (Cognitive R), panic and joy (emotion R), numbness (body R), leaving tears of excitement reaching out (behavior R) boyfriend brings the ring to the girl, the two are embracing each other (here Omit 2000 words).
Finally, the two entered the wedding hall (result C).
This C is what everyone likes, but some C is not everyone's favorite.
Because, past experience tells us that when some R appears, there will be undesired C. The way to take it a lot is to escape the S (human things and environment) that produces R.
For example: When you think that you are not always paying attention to your job, you can't control your emotions often, and you have a lot of pressure. Finally, you will choose to resign.
This is usually the first stage of personality growth: the escape period.
The performance of this stage is that communication with people is only a shallow level of communication, and it is preferred to "leave" in an unsuitable environment. In a new environment, you will often encounter similar dilemmas.
Because of fear or unwillingness to accept the result C, when there is an R that may cause C to appear, immediately leave the stimulus of S. This mechanism cannot be described as unhealthy.
For example: in the face of a fire, it is to leave! This is the survival instinct of human beings.
The second phase of the "fence period", forced by the pressure of survival, we have to be able to leave in an environment.
For example the only source of income, the family of minors. The performance of this period is very contradictory and entangled. On the one hand, I want to leave and rely on it. The good thing is to start to limit the boundaries, but it only symbolizes your own territory, but it is not strong. Just like the "fence", it is transparent to the outside world and has no resilience. There is still a filtering and slowing effect on a part of S.
The third phase of the “portal period”, which is more clearly and sturdy.
The outstanding feature is that due to the function of the door and the window, different from the second stage to separate all the S from the boundary, and also invites a part of S to enter its own territory through its own judgment, producing the expected R, get the desired C.
The most interesting thing is the fourth stage of the "hunting period". Due to the formation of stable and flexible boundaries, the sense of security bursts with courage and strength.
The performance of this stage is to go out and take a look at the unfamiliar S. When I just walked out of my own safe area, I often didn't have to go back to my safe area for a long time, and I had to choose the first stage of the way to “escape”.
But this time the "escape" is different from the first stage in two ways:
- On the one hand, there is a goal to escape - your own safe area, not to escape;
- On the other hand, there is still the courage to continue to go out.
This round-the-clock retreat has gradually grasped the self-awareness, values, outlook on life, world outlook, and boundaries. These five contents are the prey that is harvested after going out. It is called prey because there are many conflicts, battles, and injuries at this stage, and it will cause damage to the external S and invade the boundaries of others.
The growing cost of this stage is to lose and hurt a lot of S (human things), and you will have a lot of guilty R. A considerable number of people will stay at this stage.
Because of the loss and guilt, let us know that hunting is actually a process of growth. Realizing that he had forgotten the "hunting of the original purpose," the change began.
The earliest courage to go out of the safe area to hunt is to "let us survive." The reason why I forgot is the sense of "success" and "all-in-one" that hunting brings us. For this kind of personal growth satisfaction and conquest, I no longer need to know how much I need. I just hunt for hunting and grow up for growth. External S (human things) has produced more and more unnecessary damage.
When you understand and realize, you enter the fifth stage of the “integration period”.
This period will have a sense of integration with S. When subjected to external S attacks and damage, there is the ability to not attack back without causing new damage.
The sixth stage "feedback period"
This stage is not only a cognitive understanding of S but also maintains stability and consistency in both emotions and behaviors. This is different from the “integration period”. Even when you are hurt by S, you will help the other person to ease your emotions and share your experience in the first two or three stages.
The seventh stage "Unknown period"
There may be more possibilities at this stage.