don't know if there is such a girl around you:
The appearance is not calculated, but it is not bad. The character is also good. There is a circle of friends. As a whole, everyone thinks that the overall quality is not bad.
However, they have already passed adolescence, and there has never been a thing that should happen: love.
01
When I was in college, I had a female classmate. During the four years of college, when everyone was springing up, she was not too slow to stay out of the way, even the first love was not tasted.
In fact, when the single girls expressed their hopes for the other half, she also expressed her longing for love and did not appear to be alternative. It’s just that yearning always makes people feel faint, faint, just like her own people are as light as a chrysanthemum, men can not smell that atmosphere.
Later, in an accidental chat, we finally learned the truth. She was born in a multi-sister family, ranked second, rarely getting the attention of her parents, and the youngest is the younger brother. Both parents show a patriarchal attitude. Let her be more skeptical about the value and meaning of her existence.
At home, like a non-existent person, I suspect that I deny myself. I don’t believe that someone really likes me. This kind of thinking hinders her self-confidence and self-esteem, and she cannot allow herself to express her love for the opposite sex. It has been changed so cold and far away.
02
After graduating from college, I found another group of girls. They basically exceeded the normal age of marriage and marriage. They work very well. They can support themselves very well. Some even have a room and a car. They have their own circle of fixed friends. They are rich. Hobbies and so on, are excellent independent women.
However, the emotional field is extremely unsatisfactory, some are directly blank, and some have a history of short-term love. In general, their ability and wisdom in their work are not transplanted into the field of emotion.
In fact, psychology believes that the ability required for work is very different from the ability to manage emotions. The former has rational thinking and general communicative ability, while the latter requires strong emotional sensation based on the instantaneous collision of electric firestone. Only when they can open the door to each other can they provide the most powerful source of power for the future difference.
Therefore, the feelings of such independent women can not last, in fact, because of the difficulty of the occurrence of emotions. So why are the sparks of feelings so hard to ignite for them? It has to go back to the question of how their emotions were treated.
03
For a child, what is needed from an early age is that parents give adequate and appropriate care and attention. If not, their future life, especially emotional life, is likely to be difficult.
- When a girl is in her thirties, she still needs to go home on time every day to report her thoughts to her parents. She is not allowed to have her own secrets and space. Such love is only controlled.
- Another girl was told by her parents that she had to "know filial piety and repay her grace". When she was slightly wrong, she was blamed and scolded, and she was punished with conscience so that she never dared to directly express her own demands, and even dared not directly express Your own dissatisfaction. So constantly being emotionally extorted, how can I feel and receive true love?
- There is also a girl who has never taken care of her at home. In her words, she has nothing but a lack of pocket money. She does not even know whether she is a parent or not. How can a family who lacks love let them believe in the future? Does anyone really love her?
Fortunate people, parents get the care and care they deserve, which constitutes the basic source of the acquired sense of security. When they grow up, they can easily and happily carry out adult activities: love, marriage, work and so on.
Unfortunate people always carry the embarrassment, shame, suspicion, temper, loneliness, despair, emptiness, etc. brought by the family, stumbling in place, repeating the situation once and for all.
Until you don't want to touch your feelings again, don't believe in love, or until you meet someone who is safe enough to dispel the hard ice of your heart (this part of the probability is very small, still face various problems).
Therefore, from this perspective, the delay in love has not come, mainly because of the so-called luck - the fate does not come, but whether he can realize and solve the scars that freeze his emotions in the past.
04
We are too good at forgetting, perhaps because the past is too painful, or because we don’t realize the great impact of the past on the future. Most people follow the WTO’s entry into the past when the past is over. idea.
If you look at the development and development of various drugs today, you can imagine them. If you forget your distress, you will never bear it. Indeed, the healing of the surface can help people cope with general problems, but once it comes to intimate contact themes, such as love (except for those who do not engage in emotional interactions, of course), the deep scars will inevitably be encountered, if not Passing over, it is difficult to really cross the past. So that sentence: It’s always a good thing to come out and mix it. It’s still appropriate here.
Only when a person is truly independent from the original family can he work, live and fall in love, and do what he wants.
The independence here is far more than economic independence and independence in physical space. It is more psychologically independent and independent in personality. And psychological independence requires a long period of reflection and change, but also endure the fear and shame that is psychologically separated from the loved ones. Are modern people who are good at calculations ready?