- It is not a bad thing to please others, especially when it comes to pleasing family and friends. But too much to please others, to lose oneself, but to cause trouble for themselves. In particular, there are five manifestations:
First, there is no way to say "no" to others.
When saying "good" to some people and things, it actually means saying "no" to other people or things. Just like, I promised my friend to sing K at night, then there is no way to watch a play with my family at home; I promised to eat socially with my neighbors, and I might not have time to go to the gym to practice. In fact, saying "good" will also bring some "don't" consequences.
so what should I do now?
When "good" has been included in the automatic response, try this response next time, "Oh, let me think about it, wait for you to reply." Look, before replying to others I will fight for myself for a few minutes. When I don’t have to face others, I will calmly think about whether I want to promise this.
Second, always make choices "ah, so hard~"
If you think about what others will look at before making a decision, or if you think about what others want to see, it is even more difficult to make decisions. When your voice is covered up by someone else's point of view, which shoes to choose and where to go for lunch, it may become as difficult as a life event!
so what should I do now?
Give yourself more experience. Think about what you like and what you don't like, and learn more about what makes you energetic and what is killing your energy. Doing such exercises often, things will get better and better, will not always be affected by the opinions of others, and pay more attention to their feelings~
Third, "Would you like to ask for help? Or forget it?"
It is strange to say that many times, those who often promise others' requests, on the contrary, rarely seek help from others, even for some help for others, they are hesitant to ask others for help. When hesitating, he may have wasted a lot of time and effort, and some opportunities have slowly slipped away.
so what should I do now?
For the right medicine, try to ask someone for help, even if you ask for a very small help every day, for example, ask a good English friend to help proofread the translation, or ask a colleague to help occupy a position during the meeting. A lot of practice, help is not so uncomfortable (and, maybe even closer to others) ~.
Fourth, "In fact, I don't really want to do these things, forget it, or do it..."
When you find that you spend too much time thinking about what others think you want to do (sorry, a bit of a mouthful...), at this time, try to lead your life with your own values. Very valued time with family? But can't refuse friends who always come to ask for help? At this time, let the values help to judge. There are so many hours every day, and time should be put on important things.
so what should I do now?
When the time and energy are put under the review: Is it too much time to spend on unimportant things, and have those things that I value very much have received attention? If you are not satisfied with the answers to these two questions, you can set a time schedule and goals for yourself to ensure that you have enough time and energy to invest in important things and live better in your own mind~
5. "Some people always take their own outsiders, hey, no way."
When you can't refuse friends who often borrow money, or are afraid to let your mother-in-law not intervene in their own marriage, these vague boundaries seriously affect their lives. In fact, when you always allow others to enter and exit in your own life and space, you will slowly breed your own dislike of them.
so what should I do now?
Put away the help and acceptance of the same good people and set clear boundaries. This may make others angry at the beginning. However, as time goes by, it will slowly be discovered that this dissatisfaction may not be as bad as we think.
Look for happiness in the details, one life, live it happily, look for the pros in everything.