1. "Love loyalty"
"I give you the loyalty of a person without faith"
A few days ago, the two Songs divorced, Li Chen Bingbing broke up, Tang Yizhen Zhang Ruoxi married... So we brought a psychology to talk about love Research reports are accurately loyalty in love.
Many of the settings in intimate relationships are ultimately serving loyalty, such as commitment and marriage, the promise of "I love you", actually saying "I only love you" and "you can only love me"; marriage Monogamy in the middle means "we want to be loyal to each other, you can only marry me, not tolerate others."
However, some surveys have found that about half of the world's people have been infidelity with their partners at some stage in their lives; about one in five people are experiencing this infidelity. Among them, "sexual infidelity" is one of the most difficult problems in husband and wife treatment, and it is also the main reason for divorce.
Researchers from the University of New Brunswick recently surveyed 362 heterosexual couples to find out how they might reduce their derailment or infidelity and effectiveness.
They will probably adopt three strategies:
(1) Single maintenance strategy: Enhance each other's relationships, including frequent outing appointments, preparing surprises for each other, and participating in each other's lives.
(2) Active avoidance strategy: avoid scenes or conversations that may be misunderstood, and keep distance from the opposite sex
(3) Depreciating the temptation strategy: Defaming the threatening infidelity relationship “This is unjustified and dirty”, self-condemnation, reminding yourself that “this relationship has no future”
So, which strategy can effectively maintain your loyalty?
The results of Lee and O'Sullivan show that (1) (2) the two strategies are mostly ineffective, and when using (3) the temptation strategy, the number of people flirting will be significantly reduced.
The researchers explained that when we worked hard to "maintain relationships," we knew that it was important to maintain the existing intimacy, but the heart did not deny that the temptation outside was very moving.
For example, if you encounter a favorite object at a party, people who adopt the (1)(2) strategy may find their partner or deliberately ignore that person, but they still think about that person repeatedly.
Those who adopt the (3) strategy may tell themselves that "I should go home, and that person is not so good. "
2. "Target"
What is unacceptable is not its own failure, but the success of its competitors.
If you are losing weight, running a marathon, and then suddenly a friend is losing weight and running a marathon, can you not help but care about how ta is doing recently, is it going to run every week, do you insist on losing weight?
Similar to the marathon, the loss of weight, the original pursuit of personal goals, and no direct competition with others, then we pay attention to others? There may be some small psychological darkness behind this.
A recent study published in Personality and Social Psychology said that when we team up with others to pursue a certain goal, we will regard this person as an opponent, and may even undermine each other's efforts and thus harm ourselves.
In other words, pursuing a goal with others can sometimes have the opposite effect and may hurt others.
The researchers did six experiments. In the first experiment, the 200 participants were tasked with the word Solitaire, creating as many words as possible from a string of letters; participants were assigned a hypothetical competitor (but participated The player believes that this is the real opponent.) The researchers will inform the participants that the opponent's creation is faster; in addition, the participants can adjust the difficulty of the competitor's topic.
It turns out that the closer you are to your personal goals, the harder it is for the participants to give their opponents a title. Researchers say the main purpose of the damage is to "make the opponent frustrated" and "disappoint the opponent." When people's expectations are fulfilled, their efforts will be lax, even if their destructive behavior does not advance the completion of their personal goals.
Researchers point out that when we move forward with others toward a common goal if we feel that we are not competitive, our attention will shift from “improving our skills” to “defeating my opponents” and then Relax your efforts.
Well, I am doing a lot of things like eating fried chicken with friends who are losing weight together... This is probably "killing the enemy eight hundred and hurting one thousand".