Most practitioners of men separate thematic space from life and dive in there to get rid of a person, and not to approve it. This is especially true of men who practice the lower role. Almost none of them want to be a "real slave", except sexaholics, for whom sexual space is the main thing in life. The rest do not consider themselves slaves, achieve success in their careers, and just play sex slaves. As for the men who practice the top role, there are quite a lot of those who want from a woman "real submission", but still less than among women. I. e. many "upper" men as and women use Subject not as parallel space, in which can be dive, visit not a, and to emerge back in life, but as the, that this life complements and even replaces. In the life of such men, often almost none, but in the Subject — the Real Dominant.
The given analysis allows to judge the impossibility to divide space of the fetishes connected with hierarchy in sex (let and not such explicit as in BDSM where hierarchy is especially hypertrophied, brought to a maximum on the principle of an archetype), has to do with a lack of resources. And the correlation of that is close to 100%. That is, the more successful a person is in society, the better he shares his sexual role and his person, the less successful he is, the more he seeks compensation in sex. In the lower role such a person may seek relief from anxiety and responsibility, in the upper role such a person seeks nourishment for his sense of importance and self-affirmation. Realized people are looking for sexual practices beyond the boundaries of personality, rather than solutions to personal problems. When sex is used as a way to solve some personal problems, it often turns into evil or is blocked. Sex cannot be used for such needs, it is pure energy.
It is for this reason that women's talk that they are too strong to be truly sexual is untenable.
On the contrary, they lack the strength not to be afraid of losing it from the transition to sexual space. It is clear that not all women have fetishes associated with submission, as well as not all men like to dominate sex (many, very many, will gladly be submissive if they are not afraid that it will alienate a woman, these "male secrets" know almost all sexologists). But if a woman has other fetishes, she usually does not complain that she is too strong to feel like a woman, she feels great strong and sexy at the same time. But women who have fetishes associated with helplessness and male dominance may indeed fear that the power of personality will prevent the realization of sexuality. But this is true only when the power of personality is insufficient, and any game of submission is a threat to identity.
This is evident in the analysis of successful men who consciously choose in sexual life (this applies to both bisexual and heterosexual men) submissiveness. They are completely devoid of all the side effects of such practices, unlike men unrealized and practicing like. The last often brings, at them all complexes become aggravated, they lose self-control and self-confidence, go beyond borders, endure rigid kickbacks, even the real traumas, disgust to themselves after sessions, hatred to partners, vindictiveness, shame, attempts of suicides is peculiar to them. Their masochistic inclinations they evaluate as some Vice or even fate, which tightens their in abyss, dismembers their personality, and this fate often is projected on woman, in force what women are declared — hunts (much of active misogyny-hence). Such men struggle with themselves and with their sexuality, often attack women, almost always use substances. Their weak ego in unsuccessful attempts to gain at least some external and internal resources perceives sexual addiction (and such masochism-certainly addiction, obsessive attraction) as the enemy, and it is really the enemy.
Very different look successful men who have a lot of resources. Sexual practices are never an addiction for them, never prevail over them, but are a way to relieve tension and get a charge from the sexual trance. Such men are very easy to share the game and reality, and the game has no, in reality, no effect, except positive. They are in good control. They like to play boys, pages, slaves, dogs, pigs, and God knows who else, depending on what daring roles give this person pleasure. It never looks like a mania, the significance of it is always small, although the pleasure can be extracted very significant, but the pleasure is sensual, reflective, does not affect the upper personal layers. That is the secret of separating the game and reality (Shadows, persona, and self, according to Jung), only the number of resources. They make these transitions real, safe and free. Especially when it is not about such cardinal transitions, as in the case of the lower role in BDSM, and in the very small differences between strength in social life and" weakness " in sex. This transition is even less of a problem.
Therefore, women's complaints that it is difficult for them to feel like women, being strong, are questionable. Their reason is most often that the sexual space itself is of no interest to women, they try to use it to extract additional benefits, which are more difficult to extract by claiming equality (as a Fox would be difficult to deceive a Wolf without pretending to be a victim).
But this situation changes as soon as a woman really has enough resources. In this case, the woman manages to divide the sexual and social space, without prejudice to both. And such female examples I know too much, though much less than men.