It all began with the fact that the husband of our heroine began to pay less attention to her. The morning tingling for the ass stopped. Previously, there were from five to ten tweezes in the hour when Ivan Stepanovich was going to work, now there was always zero. And it was these tingling marks that were the measure of love and passion for many years.
Then he grew a beard. The beard wasn't as good as it used to be - it was a rare red beard, for God's sake, like a goat's. When my husband ate cabbage with a beard and a cabbage hanged on his beard, and instead of a goat he became like a walrus.
The husband became stern, joined the gym, and in the mornings he demanded a celery fresco instead of eggs on the fat.
Lydia Stepanovna panicked. The family boat was clearly cracking under the weight of the beard, celery sticks and hanging cabbage. Panic, panic covered all 110 kg of Lydia Stepanovna.
Lydia Stepanovna took control of herself and began to google. It used to be the advice, they shared their problems, but now it's easier to google in the corner.
Google has given out thousands of articles on "how to get Ivan Stepanovich's attention back".
Experienced unknown women sitting on the forum: "Why he left for another. Damn him" - quickly explained to Lidia Stepanovna that her marriage is cracking at the seams and her husband is clearly having an affair with a young maiden. Lydia Stepanovna sobbed, but she was quickly calmed down at the forum. They also gave her links to fashionable articles on her husband's return home.
Lydia Stepanovna studied the articles. Lydia Stepanovna took a sheet of A4 format and began to take notes. What-what, and to isolate the main thing from the pool of information, she knew how to do it in her opinion perfectly. Even at the institute, her notes were considered the best on the course. Everyone took exams on her notes.
A few hours later, a plan was born.
She called it that: "The plan to return to the bosom of love of Ivan Stepanovich". The plan was brief, but in the opinion of our heroine contained all the most important postulates for a happy family life in the present realities:
1. I have to be the one who has to outlive sex. My movements should be similar to those of cats or other members of the cat family.
2. You should walk nicely at home, not as a matter of fact.
3. Ivan Stepanovich should feel that he has competitors.
4. The food should contain plenty of aphrodisiacs.
5. The heel makes a woman playful.
6. Silk bed linen is a direct association with sex.
7. Men who are in charge of their work at home want to be humiliated under their heels. Dominate.
Lydia Stepanovna liked her plan. Everything was clear and concise. And the main thing is that it is easy to implement.
The whole next day Lidia Stepanovna was storing auxiliary material according to the plan.
It was bought: bed linen made of something similar to silk in scarlet color, leopard shoes on huge heels, leopard dress colors, seafood, artichokes.
The case is left to small. I had to buy something like a whip. Well, so that a tired husband at work could clearly understand that he would be dominated today. But then I ran out of money. We ran out of money that was put aside to build a greenhouse. Nothing, our heroine thought, we'd come up with something where we haven't been.
Ivan Stepanovich was tired of going home.
In the last few months, his life has been hard and hopeless. Sometimes he had the impression that everyone was mad. His boss changed at work. Instead of the old and understandable Ivanov, a young and frisky son of Ivanov came.
The son was pumped up, a bearded man and, as Petrova of the Personnel Department said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Hipster. The new boss held a meeting and said he needed new people at the enterprise, not the old trash that had been stuck here since the Soviet Union. As it seemed to our hero, Ivanov's son looked right in his eyes at that moment. All the employees panicked. Ivan Stepanovich panicked too.
He worked at this place for more than twenty years as a manager of the enterprise. He had a normal salary, two cleaning ladies under his command and the opportunity to steal change. Ivan Stepanovich understood that he would never find such a place again. What to do? Ivan Stepanovich decided to google.
Google gave away a lot of things and Ivan Stepanovich had a plan.
We had to show the new boss that he, Ivan Stepanovich, was not an old stump, but also a hipster.
To do this, the beard was cut, which itched nastily and always got dirty. For this purpose, a gym membership was bought next to work. Every evening Ivan Stepanovich was playing a great rocking game there and a couple of times met even Ivanov's son, who nodded in his approval. The whole body hurt from the gym.
Ivan Stepanovich drank nasty celery juice for the same house - not to take away his hipster tummy. There was no strength left for anything else. Nothing, all later, our hero said to himself, the main thing now is to stay in place.
Ivan Stepanovich's only remaining joy in his life was his wife.