"In modern culture, marriage can be the most popular form of psychotherapy. We all seem to believe that marriage will change our lives and make us feel better about ourselves. Our loved one will make us strong when we feel weak, comfort when we feel alone. It's a magical union, the one that has the ability to transform reality" (Aguste Napier).
Marriage based on love and trust can heal old emotional wounds more effectively than the most successful therapy. At best, psychotherapy creates the warm and mutual understanding that we face. When we look at our feelings honestly so that we can heal from past wounds, we begin to accept ourselves as we are. It is the psychotherapist himself, not his philosophy or orientation, that contributes to this process.
The best therapists are not distinguished by their degrees or powers, but by their ability to extend themselves indefinitely with openness, authenticity, and compassion. The therapist does not study these qualities in postgraduate studies but instead cultivates them through deliberate choice and life experience.
Although marriage does not require you to be a therapist, it does require both partners to develop the personal qualities of a good therapist. Although few of us have a relationship with these fully developed characteristics, the experience of marriage provides us with a context in which to explore and enrich these strengths.
Fortunately, we all have inner potential. Therefore, as we approach another person and the differences between us begin to manifest themselves, we can understand why relationships are so hot fires. The intensity of our feelings stems from our main wounds and deepest problems.
We can only count on a close relationship that all our unfinished business from our family of origin and past relationships with adults begin to manifest themselves. In our growing intimacy and trust, there is a desire to reveal ourselves and see how we can finally stop throwing away the memories and feelings that are associated with them.
Opening an unfinished business is a complex process that requires courage and some work on our part. It can be scary to know that the way we see life is very different from the way our partner sees it. And the way we see them can be very different from the way they see themselves. It can be frightening when we consider ourselves threatened by our new "I". All these shifts and changes are so disturbing, and the accompanying fear can turn into a battle or a flight within a second.
When we calm down enough to dive deeper into what is really happening, we often find that some old unresolved pain appears again after many years to finally heal. One option is to live with a low-risk relationship model that chooses safety and predictability. Another option is to open a dynamic model of relationship expansion.
When we are aware of the potential that can be found in old problems that can cause us suffering over the years, we can work to resolve important issues such as "What are my main wounds that I am trying to overcome with my partner? What is my own internal struggle that manifests itself as a conflict between us? Which one of my past do I project on my partner? What do I need to solve the situation? What do I need to forgive and release? Out of curiosity and amazement at such an unbiased, question-based orientation, we can begin to address old problems from our past.
Love is what every person thinks about while they are on their way to forming a family. For the sake of the same love, we have to sacrifice certain ambitions and desires. But then the question arises as to whether it is possible to call that marriage happy, in which partners have to sacrifice themselves in order to experience harmony.
Psychologists say that for a happy family life still need to preserve a certain autonomy for everyone. Everyone should have a life outside of these relationships. If the situation is such that your well-being depends on a certain person, that is, a great risk of divorce.
Iris Krasnow says that in order to live a happy life, spouses must spend a certain period of time apart from each other. Iris' own family history has led to many of her books.