Most of us are too concerned about what people around us think of us. We are afraid to look ridiculous, stupid, or too vulnerable in our eyes. Embarrassment and associated shame arise when we violate a society's moral code or expected standards of behavior. In this way, we feel embarrassed and ashamed when we are convicted of misconduct. These emotions arise when we wonder how badly others should think about us.
Embarrassment and shame, of course, no one likes to experience. But they often serve a useful purpose. Research shows that we are likely to be more attentive and kind after experiencing shame, and more likely to be motivated to correct past mistakes when we are embarrassed or ashamed. So, on one level, it is good that we care so much about what others think of us.
But it's also true that most of us worry too much about what others think of us. Research shows that we tend to overestimate how much, and how badly, others think of us and our failures. The sad consequence of this is that we feel much more depressed and much less joyful than we could have been.
We, humans, are painfully social. For example, at least 4 of the 5 processes taking place in our brains relate to our relationships with others. We care so much about others because our happiness depends on the quality of our relationships. In one study, psychologists found that most of the activities that we usually do in our daily lives, such as eating, driving, communicating, working, etc., attract others.
So there is a good reason why we are so worried about what others think about us. This is because we want to look good in their eyes so that we can develop and strengthen our relationship with them. In other words, our concern about what others think of us stems from the fear that we might be deprived of friends or close people. This fear can be useful in some cases. As mentioned earlier, embarrassment and shame can motivate us to behave more attentively or appropriately, increasing the likelihood that others will behave like us.
But if fear is too high, it can also be unproductive. Constant concern about whether others like us can cause anxiety, which leads to a feeling of instability and insecurity, which in turn pushes others away from us. This can set in motion a vicious circle that can eventually lead to a loss of self-respect and social alienation.
One way to break this vicious circle is to focus not on how you look to others, but on your own feelings. If you are consistently kind and attentive, you will be less concerned about what others think of you. This has two reasons. First, others will naturally reach out to you when you are kind and attentive; so you won't have to worry so much about what others think of you.
Second, even if your actions are wrong or lead to unexpected negative results, in the end, you will know, deep in your heart, that your intentions were good. This will give you mental freedom not to worry about what others think of you. How exactly this development went on and what kind of mysterious forces it was, told reporters Victor Kagan, a professional psychotherapist.
Hermann Ebbinghaus was convinced that psychology as a science had a long past, but its history was very short. His words can also be applied to the history of psychotherapy. This branch at the junction of psychology and medicine appeared in the last quarter of the century before last. In the psychological laboratories that opened at that time, philosophers worked as if not strangely. For a long period of time, they studied conditional reflexes.
The first force of psychotherapy is based on psychoanalysis. It appeared on the basis of medicine. It was with his appearance that they began to listen and, most importantly, to hear the patient. At a time when Sigmund Freud was still a student, there was such a concept as a medical consequence or medical interrogation. For this purpose, the patient was brought to the audience to ask questions. The patient had the right to answer only them and nothing else. After the notion of psychoanalysis appeared, the notion of psychological protection came to the science and the notion of psychological protection.