This is actually related to the reaction of parents in the situation at that time. If the family environment is an inclusive and non-rejective environment, then the child may go through this stage very smoothly.
But if the negative emotions are not accepted by the family when the child feels that they are excluded from the exclusion and many other emotions, then the child’s feeling of being excluded will always be there until He is an adult.
Going back to the different reactions of the three types of people we started to introduce, in general, the third category of people may have such a smooth experience of entering the ternary relationship in their childhood.
For the first two types of people, they may not be so lucky.
1. Situation one
For example, if Mom and Dad have a bad relationship or a single-parent family or other reasons, Mom puts all his attention on the child, and Dad does not have the opportunity to enter between the mother and the child, then the child may lose a ternary relationship. opportunity.
Facing the existence of a third person is a setback for the child but also an opportunity for psychological development. For such a child, when TA grows up, it may be difficult to accept people who are close to him and also close to others. He wants to possess and control all of a person, which brings many conflicts to the intimate relationship after adulthood.
2. Situation two
For example, a little girl, she is aggressive to her brother, or she is moody to her mother, but it is very sticky for a while but it will be noisy for a while. She does not want to see her brother and mother together. If these reactions are not understood by the family, they may think that the child is not sensible and disobedient. Sometimes the adult will blame, reprimand the child, or ignore her behavior.
In this case, it will strengthen the feeling that the child is excluded. She is not so good, her mother does not love her so much, and her mother loves her younger brother. Then the feeling of being excluded may be a very traumatic and painful feeling.
A growth experience like this may have a great impact on one's or others' lives after a person is an adult.
When such a child grows up when it is in the group and sees other people being more enthusiastic, this feeling of being excluded/ignored is very easy to be aroused. When this feeling is aroused, it will have some negative emotions, and these negative emotions may affect the performance of it in the group, or communicate and interact with others.
I have seen a show before, which is the story of a younger son’s own nephew and his brother’s divorce. This example is more extreme. In my opinion, she was over satisfied by her brother during childhood and did not experience the setbacks of the ternary relationship. Therefore, when she was an adult, she was very embarrassed and unable to accept the intimacy between her brother and her nephew. There was a series of absurd moves.
3. Situation three
For example, in the relationship between husband and wife, sometimes the wife will be very close to the relationship between husband and friends, and then want to control her husband's social time, and frequently request for reporting and checking posts. This may actually be related to the fact that the feeling of being excluded from childhood is not well handled.
It is also possible that in a parent-child relationship, the mother may marry her child to be more intimate with her husband, and will unconsciously do something to cut off the intimacy between the child and the spouse, which will actually affect the child's normal growth.
And in such a painful experience of being excluded, the child may have an unconscious fantasies: for girls, she wants to beat her mother and take her father back. Then perhaps in the intimate relationship of adulthood, her unconscious fantasy will be activated.
For example, a girl, she suddenly found that her boyfriend has a family, is a husband, then for many girls, in the face of such a situation will choose to say, I want to stay away from this man. However, the girl whose development of the ternary relationship is not going well may think that it is necessary to take this boyfriend out of the original home. This is actually the desire to realize the illusion of taking her father in her childhood.
In the movie "The Life of Abandoned Pine Nuts", when I was young, my sister got more love and care from her father because of her physical illness. This made the pine nuts very embarrassed and felt ignored. After she grew up, a boyfriend she had had a family, but after she discovered that she did not leave the boyfriend, she followed him to his home to see if his wife was better than himself. She hopes to grab this man.
There are many other possibilities. Each individual has its own uniqueness and complexity. It needs a specific analysis of specific problems. It cannot be simply summarized. The reasons given in this paper are some mainstream reasons. For reference.