Are you an outgoing "lost person"? You can compare these features:
First, the characteristics of the outgoing loneliness
1. Do you seem to be able to say when you are outside, but when you talk to others, there are countless voices in your heart calling for "I want to go home";
2, full of affinity, everyone likes you, but only you know how many smiles are so stubborn;
3, try to satisfy the lovers, but find that the other party rarely returns to you;
4, responsive to friends, it is difficult to refuse others;
5, only return to your own world, you can feel the "real", you have no strength to speak.
If you meet the above points, it is basically a "lone person" who looks extroverted. This type of person and the person who does not speak directly, the person who shows it and resists is that the appearance can present more music group, that is, it looks cheerful, but the heart is full of resistance.
Second, the formation of outgoing loner
"Socially an hour, returning blood for two or three days" means that for many people who don't like to party, socializing is like consuming, not feeling happy, but going home and replenishing energy in their own world. It has been said that this is because introverted and extroverted personality characteristics are different, extroverts are easy to get nutrients from the crowd, and introverts are not good at getting nutrition from the crowds, but rather feel better when they are alone. a feeling of.
But why is this? Although there is a classification of personality types, extroversion or introversion from Jung's theory, I think that in addition to the innate factors, there must be a process that everyone shapes during the growth process. So I want to discuss in this article why a person in a social environment will consume and why a "blood back" process is needed.
I want to start from the growth process of a child, because the inner feeling of each adult's way of interacting with others is inseparable from the relationship between parents and children, and the reason why a child feels consumed for communication, this may be related to his The internal relationship is related to intrusion.
for example:
For example, if a child encounters difficulties in school, things are too big to be bullied, and it is too small to learn. Does the child go home and tell her parents? Or how much he can express is directly related to the family atmosphere.
We can assume that this child does not say it? There are many possibilities. For example, if he says it is useless, his parents can't help him solve these problems, or his parents are too busy in his heart, and he can't take care of his problems. There is also a possibility that parents have too much emotion at home to express their feelings. Children need to take care of their parents' emotions at home. This family has no room for him to talk and release emotions.
In such a family, what is the state of the parents? Most of them are "something to say", that is, they are endless, there are too many thoughts and feelings. They don't know much about what is called "temperance," but they can't help but express it. Let's say, let people hear. The most important point is: "Need to respond! Need attention!"
What is the relationship between the outside world and the intimate relationship?
Once a friend said to me with infinite emotion: "Do you say that I can be happy? I am surrounded by the baby to take care of. "Yes, this model has been around for a long time, not only the parents are the objects you want to care for, one day, you will find that you are attracted to close lovers, good friends, and this type of person is everywhere. When you take care of them, you will find that these babies are constantly increasing their needs and constantly testing your tolerance. Is it surrounded by "vampires"?
Until you feel crushed one day, and then start hiding, but as long as you are in contact with people, you still feel helpless, because everyone still likes "you are good to talk", your inner is still lonely.
Third, how to deal with outgoing loneliness?
How to do it? I thought about a few points that I can detect for your reference:
- When you are quiet, understand your preferences, and feel uncomfortable. When others try to invade your border, they start saying "no";
- admit your incompetence, can not always be a "parent's little cotton jacket", you can not comfort them when your own inner difficulties are still difficult;
- in the face of guilt, in the rejection of others, it will easily lead to the feeling of being sorry for others, then you can remember one point: others have the right to make the need, but you also have the right to refuse, can refuse;
- allow yourself to spend time, do not need to deliberately socialize, but just "enjoy the clean" in their own world.
In any case, letting go of the habitual mask and returning to what it is, always requires a slow process, and close to your own heart. Lonely is lonely, always better than acting hard every day.