These days, a star in the variety show "I don't want you to think, I want me to think", suddenly fire all over the streets, brush microblogging can see this stem everywhere.
And whether this sentence is the true word of the star, whether it is a program effect, but it does poke a familiar corner of our heart - there seems to be some people around us, only care about their own ideas, no Pay attention to others.
Such people, we often think that he is "excessively self-centered."
But to be honest, in fact, most of us have this "excessive self-centered" state - which is often a great obstacle to our understanding of others.
We cannot see the hearts of others because we cannot overcome ourselves. We can't get rid of our own experience, beliefs, attitudes, emotions, and knowledge to understand the world. We always look at the world through our own eyes.
Copernicus makes the earth no longer the center of the universe, but people on Earth are still treating themselves as the center of the universe. Let's talk about how to get rid of "excessive self-centeredness".
1. People often overestimate their importance
One consequence of becoming a center of our own universe is that it is easy for us to overestimate our importance, no matter how bad things are.
A classic psychological experiment requires married couples to report how much they are responsible for their family activities. These family activities include positive behaviors such as cleaning the room, making breakfast and resolving conflicts, as well as negative behaviors such as messing up the room, angering the partner and quarreling.
The researchers separated the husband and wife and asked them to indicate the percentage of responsibility for each family activity. The researchers then simply added the estimates from both sides.
In theory, the sum of the estimated values of the two sides will not exceed 100% - if the husband claims that 80% of his family's breakfast is made by him, and the wife claims that 60% of the breakfast at home is made by himself, then their children should How can I possibly eat 140% of the breakfast?
However, the experimental results are just like this, and the reports of the husband and wife have increased by more than 100%.
This is often the case in life. When the family was eating barbecue, the wife went to buy the ingredients, washed the vegetables, cut the tomatoes, onions, marinated the meat, and wiped the table after the meal, washed the bowl, but flipped the skewers before the grill. The husband thought that he "made dinner."
The really interesting result is that researchers find that even when reporting negative behavior, people overestimate their responsibilities. People will feel that they are the ones who often provoke disputes.
This "self-centered" state also means more aware of your own mistakes and pays more attention to the day when you accidentally broke the bowl.
In addition, self-centered thinking can lead to paranoia.
For example, some people often feel that people around you are peeking at you, discussing you, and paying attention to your every move, but in fact, do people really care about you?
“People have a crazy self-awareness.”
In an interview with The New York Times, Elaine Miller, author of the famous interior decoration blog Decorno, said. Miller said that celebrities will care if their interiors match their image in the public.
“It’s like every move will be seen by others, even their house is part of the show.”
2. "Not many people are watching you."
Imagine such a scene:
You are invited to participate in an experiment. When you arrive at the lab, the researchers lead you into a small room asking you to wear a T-shirt and tell you that this is part of the experiment.
A huge star avatar is printed on the T-shirt (you can freely assume that Justin Bieber or Song Xiaobao is printed).
You may be a fan of him or not, it is completely random. In fact, even fans may not want to wear their love beans on their bodies...
Even if you are reluctant, you still wear a T-shirt and follow the researchers into another big room. You see that the room is full of other people who come to the experiment (of course, no one else wears a strange T-shirt with a big head).
The researchers said that you are coming a bit late, but you can still participate in this experiment and let you sit down. So you hurry to sit in the seat from the room in front of the people.
At this time, the researchers suddenly apologized to you, saying that you came too late and need to participate in the next round of experiments. Then the researchers took you out of the room.
Next is the most important part - the researchers tell you that the experiment is now over and ask you to estimate how many people in the room noticed the big picture on your T-shirt.
At the same time, the researchers also asked other people sitting in the room to see the pattern on your T-shirt.
How many people do you think have noticed your T-shirt?
This is the famous Barry Manilow experiment in the psychology field. As a result, it is estimated that nearly 50% of people wearing T-shirts will notice their T-shirts, but in reality only 23%.
The social spotlight did not shine on us as we imagined.
We have not received the attention of others as we have imagined, nor have we been carefully examined by others as we expected.
3. "Others don't know what you are saying"
Psychologists also proposed a statement: "The curse of knowledge" .
Knowledge is a curse because once you have it, you can't imagine without it.
For example, people in the IT industry can hardly explain how to operate a computer to someone who knows nothing about a computer without using terminology