The fund of human activities is time. The one with which we can explain different aspects of our life is always the time. There is a good time and a bad moment, a slow, a fast, a dense, a thin. Knowing how to use the right moment is a rare gift, usually winners.
An attitude that almost never helps us is, on the contrary, proclaimed. People procrastinate not only to try to avoid pain, like the boy, when he knows he has to study, but he stays to play. It also happens in pain. In a recent article (The straction of expectation), Alberoni observes that the experience of time is not always the same: we sink in time when we are with those we love, then we immerse ourselves in it. It's a time when you do not feel flushed, you do not weigh it. It is also the time of the artistic creation, the people of a movement. If the beloved goes away, here we feel the time, we perceive the pain of passing time.
But what happens if you are left behind? If you stay permanently, stop waiting and the time turns into a long period of pain. What is tormenting you now does not wait, it's the lack. The person who has left you comes back constantly and you feel a time to fill but it remains empty: because as long as you want it and want to find it, wait, you must make an effort to remind you that it will not come . Thus, you only meet emptiness.
When agony and despair cease, when mourning has done its job and you face a new life, you can still face a period of suffering because one time must close and another must open.
The process of mourning, if it is not interrupted, always ends. Life after a period of interruption, resumes. Nature does not tolerate emptiness. But the process of mourning can be hindered and even stopped by certain strong emotions: anger and guilt. Anger at those who have left us and guilt for some mistakes made or for self-incrimination without foundation. This is the main reason why some do not get close to the past. Others do it only visibly.
They are the ones who always talk about their ex. And since they can not talk about it well, they speak badly of it. these behaviors do not serve to rework the pain and to break, but they are a way to continue to stay in the lost time, to stay as before the break. They do not wait for him anymore, but their thoughts slip back, in the past, and deceive each other.
Anyone who wants to change or needs to change must first change their habits, experiment with new experiences, enter new environments. One must have the strength to understand that the other who has left has created a temporal discontinuity and that the time "in which we were" is henceforth excluded. The pause of time can only imprison us illusively.
But precisely because the fund of human activities is the time, the sooner we enter a new time, the sooner our life will be reborn.
Fall in love, the real thing, what you want is bilateral. The two see in the other the one they had been waiting for a long time, they were already ready to change, they were dissatisfied and unhappy and, above all, they dreamed of realizing something bigger ... then they met a person in which they reflected. Love is exclusive, whereas sexual attraction is only part of the process of falling in love, but it is not a sign of being in love. And it's not exclusive.
When you say you do not want to tie, he says he's not in love. It is the communication that must be taken literally. A healthy defense "would not even start" to associate with someone who considers you a surplus.
He reports unilaterally, gloria posso to say with the massa certezza, no è mai innamorata of the partner and conseguenza, di regola, sofferenza. A parodia dell'amore.
