- How many times have you fallen apart from an argument with your partner?
How did it feel after yet another fight over misunderstandings and communication problems?
Have you ever wondered if there really is a definitive solution to all this?
Well, in this post I try to give you an answer.
Let's start from the basics: in a couple and in life problems are part of the game.
“But I don't want problems”, “But it's difficult”, “But it's tiring”, “But why?”
Okay, whatever “but” comes to your mind, eliminate it instantly or surrender to a life of grief in which you will complain all the time about problems (which will still be there) without having the strength to solve them.
In fact, when I tell you about the right man or a successful relationship, I'm never, ever referring to a “Disney” movie situation in which everyone smiles, nobody gets old, discussions are reduced to “I like Nutella more and you like jam”.
The right man is not the one with whom you agree on everything.
A successful relationship is not one in which you kiss in the morning, walk hand in hand and go to sleep.
In real life — and not the one idealized by the phenomena of “positive thinking” so it seems that you have to walk 24 hours a day with the forced 32-tooth facial paresis — things are different.
You'll say, “Sure, but what if there are ONLY problems?”
So, it's clear that there has to be a balance. How to find it?
There is one important thing behind it all: the common vision.
If there is this and you have the will to share your life with another person, problems are simply obstacles to be faced together to grow and improve as a couple.
To be able to do this in the right way, you need to know how to discuss.
Yes, that's right: to discuss.
Unfortunately, there is still this sort of myth of the couple that never discusses.
I don't want to discuss, there's nothing to discuss, you always want to discuss, we discuss too much, our relationship doesn't work.
These are sentences that are often repeated in a couple. Somehow they are also understandable for a simple reason: the verb “to argue” is used as a synonym for “to argue”.
You have to know how to argue without having to argue. And you have to know how to do it well. The success or otherwise of your relationship life depends on this.
Do you avoid discussions? You will have misunderstandings and misunderstandings.
Do you face discussions by attacking? You will have resentment and anger.
Do you deal with discussions by being subjected to them? You will have frustration and dissatisfaction.
- So what is the right way? I'll explain it to you right away.
1- Don't start a discussion with the intention of being right at all costs.
- Here we are not talking about work in which it is clear that if you have more skills than someone else, your opinion is generally worth more than his. In a relationship, reason does not exist. Or rather, it is always the result of an agreement or compromise. If you are a woman who always tries to be right or to win a discussion, this can happen for several reasons: stubbornness, insecurity, pride. All aspects of your character that are limiting compared to being in a relationship.
- In fact, the first question you have to ask yourself is: do I want to win the discussion or improve our relationship? The two things practically never coincide. Even if in the end there were to be an agreement on the subject of discussion close to your position, it should never be the result of a violent or obstructive imposition but of reasoning and sharing.
2- Always start a discussion with the aim of understanding.
- When there is a problem to be solved by now you will have understood that being an ostrich is no use except to postpone and find yourself with an even bigger problem later on. Instead, you have to know how to face a discussion without launching yourself at random with a helmet and a shield ready to inexorably defend your position or attack that of the other. The right way instead is to think “I want to understand”. In a couple, just formed or together for years, this is the key to success and problem-solving. If you aim to understand and understand the position or opinion of others, it will be easier to find a shared solution. This clearly has to work in both directions and at the basis of it all, there has to be a couple with common values and mutual respect.
3- Do not pretend to have always the same opinion on everything.
- There are discussions that can end with opinions that remain different. There are problems that are not real problems. Unfortunately, often these discussions lead to a real war in which no one wins. How many couples argue about politics, about television broadcasts, about the color of the socks to give to their cousin, etc., etc.? These are not problems for couples. Do you want to discuss it anyway? Okay, but if the discussion does not lead to an agreement you can accept it without being a mental nature.
- https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2015/03/26/18/08/rose-693152_960_720.jpg