Happiness. I have no idea how to talk about it, let alone write about it. It is like a light note of rose in your favorite spirits, elusive, unrecognizable and at the same time each time it is reopened. The wonderful thing is that we never know at what moment happiness will consume us. Yesterday I said goodbye to a close person forever. For the first time, I touched the body that left my soul. I said goodbye to the joyous man. Naturally, there were tears, pain, yearning, sadness, and rejection of all the absurdity of the situation. But the memories that will stay with me forever reminded me of the happiness of my childhood, the short moments that will keep my soul warm for many more months.
And that's what made me smile in the morning. Life is short, but I want to remember about happiness in old age. I wish that even after my death, which I hope will happen at the age of 90, close people would remember our moments of happiness. I want to be the cause of happiness, its source and, of course, the creator. I want to let happiness into my world, into my heart, into my life. Yes, life itself is that box of chocolates with "happiness" stuffing.
Happiness. There are no reasons for happiness. Happiness is possible without everything. Everyone has his own happiness. Happiness can be different.
Happiness. And let's give happiness this month of May! Let us remember the people who gave us happiness. Let us open our hearts to simple human happiness!
A lot of people caught the scent of my mood in the last couple of posts. Tart, bold, grey, and even sad, permeated by the red thread of melancholy. Someone smelled depression (although it wasn't there in its purest form, I promise you). Probably, there is something in some notes. What to hide? I am alive. I endlessly love life, all the subtleties of its manifestation, even in the form of autumn. But like many women immersed in motherhood with their heads, I finally came across a moment when you feel that everyday life is eaten by your strong me. You start to resist, to bury yourself in negative thoughts, to look for a trick around you. Though in reality, it was worth it to be sober about my world - it's beautiful. Completely and completely.
This morning I woke up and immediately fell into the home affairs, into the cycle of everyday work, when suddenly I caught a magical moment - my sick husband, with his nose stuck, blue bruises under his eyes, tickled our son's beard. The whole bedroom was filled with child-like laughter, and Batman's cat came running from the kitchen to see what they were doing, and I froze. I could feel the joy of the wave passing through my body. I wanted to stop blinking to take a picture" of these moments in my memory forever. And although I'm very worried when my superman is sick (because I'm some very ridiculous healer, a crooked-handed nanny), it was incredibly sincere. It is happiness. Happiness to love, to be loved, to create a sequel, to see him reach out to his dad, to be proud of their special bond and to enjoy the moment next to them. It doesn't always work out. To be here and now. I often run forwards, into the future, and sometimes stay in the past. In general, I'm not a super person. I'm just like everybody else. Although, I also regularly catch Zen for harmony and peace in the world.
Of course, everybody probably wants to read the text that radiates the ether of happiness, love, tuning for chocolate life. But I like to be myself, really. I have a completely different range of emotions. And now I'm learning more than ever. I learn to slow down in an instant, learn to fill myself and people with energy and warmth, learn to fall in love with the familiar over and over again, learn to be tolerant of pediatricians and neurologists, learn to find joy in the simple, learn to accept myself and everything that happens.
When you don't have children yet, you often find compromises with your shortcomings, sometimes just closing your eyes to them. But the first year of motherhood reveals all your inner stashes. And here begins the real work on yourself. I just got down that road. But as a true wizard, I will definitely pass it. And I will not do it alone, because I always have a strong, reliable support - my wonderful redheaded husband. I can be offended by him, demanding additional attention, help, but he is the best thing that has happened to me and I always thank the universe for meeting him. Also, our baby doll. This child makes me be better than I am. After all, children can not be brought up, you just need to be a real example for them.