Understanding when a child is not telling the truth is usually quite simple. The child doesn't look you in the eye, sometimes his or her hand reaches out to your mouth or touches your face, coughs or rubs your ear. Another characteristic gesture is hiding your hands in your pockets or putting them behind your back.
Lying to a child shows a lack of trust in the parents. The more "dangers" and prohibitions the more embarrassing it is, to tell the truth, the more tricks you need to come up with. These are quite natural causes of children's lies.
Sometimes lies can be justified. But if the lie is aimed at causing harm to someone, if it is slander, intrigues, the essence of which the child himself understands, it can and must be fought. Not to arrange interrogations and not to "pull out" the truth, but to figure out what exactly prevents them from being honest with their loved ones.
Possible reasons for deception:
"Touching the ground. The child tries to understand how the adult will react to the deception.
"Self-defense. The child is afraid and wants to avoid punishment for unsightly deeds, ridicule or "universal shame". The most common reason why a child lies in fear. Children are afraid that they will be punished and humiliated. They are able to suffer painfully even because of such things that we think are trifles. They are afraid to be upset or disappointed or even rejected or unloved.
"A desire to make an impression" (to attract attention, to evoke emotions). Everything goes in hand: from "my aunt is a famous singer" to "my dad always hurts me". Sometimes a child lies because he or she does not seem to be loved.
Lying becomes a kind of revenge for "lost" love. In addition, if children feel rejected, unwanted, they may try to attract attention and somehow stand out among the others, even if they receive a negative reaction from parents, up to severe punishment. This will be repeated over and over again. It resembles masochism, but some children do seek attention at least in this way.
"Manipulation. A child can tell one adult that the other allows him or her to do something, although this is actually forbidden.
"Fantasy. The least harmless and disinterested form of deception is a game, fun, useful for development.
"Bad example of adults. Children imitate adults and sincerely believe that lying is not a bad thing to do.
Initially, children do what they want or like without thinking about how right it is. It is up to adults to explain correctly when actions are not in line with the norm and why. Rubbing and scandals can be achieved only by the fact that the child can start lying very early. Lies begin with an ordinary attempt to hide bad deeds so as not to be punished.
Already at the age of 5, babies are well developed "internal monologue", they can modify their thoughts, write details. They already know what to say, what to say, what to keep quiet, and what to say in a completely different way. "What can I do to avoid being scolded anymore?
- The baby is thinking. "What should I say to be praised? Children start lying more often, and it becomes more difficult to get them out into the clear water, especially since children can influence their peers or adults who treat them well - they will willingly or unwillingly take part in the deception.
At school age (from 7 years), children cheat more convincingly. Psychologists attribute this to increased vocabulary and brain development in general. In addition, children's insight should not be underestimated: it is already clear to the child how other people think and what they are guided by.
Lies become sophisticated. By the time a child is eight or nine years old, he or she can be deceived so that it is impossible to expose him or her. Telling stories to relatives, friends, classmates, the child not only feels like a hero, he increasingly believes in what he says. This creates an alternative reality that can be controlled.
At the age of 10, the young fantasist realizes that adults place too high demands on him, "making him a bug out of the fly" and periodically humiliating him (including with others) with moral teachings and notations. Already at this time, the child is not so much afraid of punishment as he wants to escape from obsessive control, show his independence or defend himself. At the same time, deep in his heart, he is still looking for recognition and support. He knows that if parents notice his lies, they care about him.
At this age, children are often given "high hopes". Fear of disappointing their loved ones and the belief that the future depends on behavior and assessments are what pushes "exemplary" students to lie. Realizing that they do not meet expectations, they protect themselves from the overwhelming burden of responsibility.
A teenager wants more freedom, a kind of autonomy. He again creates another reality for himself, which he can control. Lies are not always monstrous at this age - by forming personal space, a boy or girl wants to let only the "chosen" in, and this is a sign of adulthood.