Living in a school dormitory is like a marriage in an old society. You are so close to life, but every day suddenly you have to sleep under the same roof, eat and drink Lazar. Whether you like it or not, you and these strangers have to interact with each other, build rules together, hate each other or like each other, and spend a few years. It’s not easy to get along with people from different backgrounds and strangers.
Recently, various tragedies in the media due to the relationship between the dormitories have emerged. On the Weibo, there have even appeared “the secret of living in the bedroom”, providing several major methods including “not too good” and “not too stingy”. These make people have to reflect on what is the problem so that the daily trivial arguments lead to a terrible murder case?
Why are they out of control?
You must have had a similar experience. Even you feel that it is a trivial thing, but it gives you extraordinary emotions, whether it is sadness, depression, anger or happiness.
Neuroscience research in recent years has found that there is a place in our brain that stores memory and emotional experience, called the amygdala. The emotions we produce in our daily lives are stored through the neural circuits of the amygdala. In this way, the same thing will happen in the future, and the amygdala will respond directly to the rational analysis of the forehead of the brain. Scientists have also discovered that people's reactions to events have some primitive signals that are transmitted directly from the thalamus to the amygdala. This part of the signal is a shortcut, faster, but not accurate — it is based on emotions generated by similar experiences in the past, rather than an assessment of what is happening.
Simply put, if a person often feels anger, then in a seemingly inconspicuous little thing, it may cause him an uproar; or if you have done things that have made you tortured, even though Bring you good income or results, the next time there will be the same task, even if it can still bring you huge benefits, your first reaction will be frustrating to say no.
Some scientists have said that only 20% — 30% of people's strong emotions are caused by reality, and 70% -80% are from “old injuries.” These incidents are just the fuse of your emotions.
The magic weapon for dealing with relationships
- Emotional ability
The Swiss psychologist Piaget once proposed the concept of “egocentrism”. It is said that babies cannot objectively judge and understand the relationship between things, situations, and others. When babies judge the needs of others, they mainly understand it according to their own needs. For example, a 2-year-old child who loves to eat sugar will think that you are like him, and he likes to eat sugar. What he hates, you should also hate it. As people grow up, they slowly “self-centered”. We are slowly able to objectively look at the world around us and understand the difference between others and ourselves.
More interestingly, there are some neurons in our brain called mirror neurons. They enable us to experience each other's feelings when we see other people's behavior. It is also because of our innate ability that we can empathize and understand each other.
My favorite explanation about empathy is to look at each other's world through the other's eyes. When interacting with others, please let go of our inner baby-like “egocentrism” and understand his world through the eyes of the other party. - Get along with emotions
Thomas proposed in 1993 that people often have four ways to express their emotions. One is Anger in, the other is Anger out, the other is Anger discussion, and the other is Physiological anger.
You see, emotion is not something illusory, it is the energy that exists in the body of a person. Just like when you are nervous, you will sweat, and when you are angry, you will tremble. It is our real experience, there is no good or bad.
Therefore, when emotions appear, please make sure that emotions are exported. Repression, irrational attacks, and angry bodyization can not make emotions more stable, but also cause harm to others or themselves. Everyone can have their own way of dealing with emotional energy. Some people need to run and play, some people go shopping and write a diary. It is important to note that when emotions come, don't hurt yourself, don't hurt others, don't destroy public property, choose the way that suits you. , reasonable catharsis.
When people in the US drama encounter strong emotions, friends often ask: "Would you like to talk about it?" When the emotions in people's bodies slowly disappear, after the reason comes back, the idea of expressing their feelings and the bottom of the heart reasonably and sincerely can often achieve communication with half the effort.
What's even better is that we will repair the negative experience of the event and will not accumulate “old injuries”.
Through empathy and emotional management, each of us has the ability to repair the traumatic experience of others. Each of us can also be our own “therapist” to repair and create our own status and experience.