Your life is a priceless gift. Your soul requires care and love. The soul, you know, dies without care. And who but you can treat it with the same tenderness and love as you treat your child? Who said that someone's life, even your child, is more important and significant than yours? Your life is the same miracle as any other, so is it possible to treat it blasphemously enough to allow yourself to be oppressed, tortured, sacrificed? Well, well, for example, I have convinced you that your life is no less valuable than that of your child. What can I do now to make your dear, beloved child realize it? The first thing to do is to try to understand that it is very difficult to bring up an independent and responsible person from your child by bending the child and feeling like a church and a victim at the same time. There is no other place to study than in the family for responsibility and independence. The second step on the road to balance is the answer to the question: "What do I want instead of an unsatisfactory relationship? The question is very difficult. Many people find it easier to say what they don't want than what they want. Often, when answering this question, they say what others should do without noticing that they remain passive. The third step is to think about literally what you can do to get what you want. It is very important to find and keep what is good in your life now. All this is quite a painstaking job. It's amazing how often people don't notice the really valuable aspects of their lives. And you won't be lazy, take your time, find out. This will help you in the future. And the fourth step is a complete review of your personal qualities to understand which of them can help you achieve your goals. By taking these four steps, you will go through the first step on your way to a balanced relationship and self-respect. These are not easy steps, and maybe you will spend more than one-day thinking. You may even have to use a pen and paper to "shelve" your thoughts and not forget anything. And then will come the second stage of your changes. Now that you know exactly what you want, what resources you have, you need to prepare to defend your position in a relationship with a "difficult" teenager (or maybe a husband, parents, brother, sister?). To do this, first, you need to adjust to the fact that you will meet with active resistance and you will need patience and perseverance. You may even be afraid to begin all these changes. Then write on a piece of paper, "I won't let my fear live my life instead of me," and repeat it as often as possible. Keep in mind that if you stand on your own, you will eventually be reckoned with. Second, you must accept the idea that all teenagers find their parents boring, "backward" and constantly say that they do not understand. This may be indeed the case, but it does not mean that they should not reckon with you. Everyone has the right to their world view, but each other's rights must be respected equally. By the way, test yourself: do you always respect your teenager? Third, you will have to part with the idea that "peace at all costs" is better than conflict. That is not true! Conflicts are a normal, healthy phenomenon in any communication. Just don't confuse conflict with scandal. A conflict is a meeting of opposing interests, and, correctly resolved, it is much more useful than a "bad world". Fourth, you will have to give up the idea that you will in one way or another continue to manage all spheres of life of your "adult, but very stupid" child, even for his benefit. It is impossible to achieve two opposing goals at the same time: to raise a person responsible for his actions, and not to let him experience what real responsibility is. A person cannot become independent until he or she has got his or her bumps - only himself or herself! - will not learn to solve their problems. And here comes a legitimate question: why do you need your child? And to be around when he is very sick or in trouble, so that, if he asks you - only if he asks! - Help him to make a difficult decision, and so that he knows that both "good" and "wrong", and happy and unhappy - he is always loved and welcome. And you are also there for him to show him how he can, loving a man, not to interfere in his life, not to lose himself and not to become a tyrant or a victim. Remember: not only mother and son, father and daughter, but also two souls of equal value, two equal lives, are in close cooperation.
