What exactly should be taken into account when building relationships with teenagers?
Before adolescence, a child is not critical at all, either to his or her relatives or to himself or herself. He simply does not have a definite opinion about the surrounding. This opinion he copies in adults. In early adolescence, for the first time, a person tries to separate their parents' assessments from what they think about themselves. First of all, he begins to develop self-esteem. It turns out to be very difficult.
To give himself a "score" in various manifestations of his self, the teenager produces a certain benchmark. To do this, he must somewhat push back the usual system of values of his parents, so that it does not interfere with his self-determination. How does he do it? He questions everything. "Parents say it's bad. Why? I want to try it myself. What if it's good? What happens if I don't listen? So, the teenager starts by pushing the boundaries and beginning to explore new territories more decisively than in childhood.
This often leads to the violation of any rules established in the social environment, up to and including offenses. Such behavior is sometimes referred to as "adolescent rebellion," but it is not always a true rebellion. Often a teenager simply does not think about the consequences of his actions. In general, the future seems vague to him. He lives in the present. On the one hand, this allows him to boldly expand his capabilities, on the other - leads to extremely risky, rash actions. This reckless risk is also promoted by an undeveloped sense of responsibility: so far, all the problems and difficulties of life have been resolved for him by adults. Conquering independence, the teenager rarely thinks about the fact that his courage is based on the feeling of good covert "back", which provides parents.
Developing new "territories", the teenager carefully looks at the surrounding "strangers", ie, those who are significantly different from the usual "home". "Aliens" arouse deep interest in the teenager: appearance, habits, behavior, the system of values - all this is not only studied but also "tastes", especially if some manifestations of the person seem attractive. A teenager listens, looks at, explores how others assess people or some life events. The more it differs from the usual assessments, the more he is attracted to it. The main question is: what is especially valued by others, what is admired, what is mocked, what is judged? At the same time, the teenager does not yet distinguish shades: everything he sees is imprinted in his mind in contrasting tones, everything hehe hears sounds like perfect harmony or complete dissonance, everything he feels and experiences is perceived with enthusiasm or disgust.
Gradually, a certain ideal image of what a person should be. This image is also devoid of halftones. He is always "super". This is the so-called Ideal Self. The ideal self of a teenager is very unstable and can change under the influence of a new interesting object, caught in the field of visibility. It can be a fashionable movie character, a popular artist who enjoys success with his peers, or an unusual, something particularly attractive and interesting adult. Teenagers "try on" such images, copying mainly external attributes. But if their "hero" also translates a certain philosophy, views on the world, then they are copied. And this is a chance (!) for those who want to help teenagers in constructive self-determination. If you are not a parent and spend a lot of time with teenagers, if you have authority and love with them, there is probably someone among them who tries to imitate you. And so you can become a source of constructive values for them. Or you can draw their attention to something important, positive in their favorite characters - moments that teenagers, because of their immaturity, simply cannot see behind the outer shell. However, there is a point of risk: the slightest pressure, intrusiveness, moral overtones - and everything will be rejected, perhaps along with the object of imitation.
