Adult life is full of changes: moving, studying, career, marriage, childbirth. We have less and less time for friends, other relationships attract attention to themselves. And it seems that with childhood friends now little that unites.
It is not easy to stay in the same relationship when you have different life situations, but it does not mean that the old friendship has come to an end. If you and your friends were "on different planets", pay attention to the following tips.
1. Think back to why you got close
Remembering how friendship was born is the best way to extend it. Talk about the adventures you've been through, just remember the jokes you understand. If you are far away and can't see as often as you used to, it will bring you closer together. Take the time to remember and laugh at old stories.
2. Create new memories
It's nice to remember the past, but friendship will end without new events and impressions. Try to do something together that you have not done before. Have a great time and at the same time learn what happened in the life of a friend. Now spontaneity is not given with the same ease as in youth, so plan meetings that they do not impose other things and obligations.
Working together helps to strengthen friendships, but it is not enough. It is important to have "heart-to-heart" conversations - they bring you closer together. Social networks help keep in touch, but we are less likely to talk live. And no online correspondence can replace a real heart-to-heart conversation.
Whether you are meeting in person or on the phone, talk about what's going on in your life, what you care about. Be open and sincere. Talk about your problems, share successes and hopes for the future. Be real - this will help you and your friend to better understand each other.
3. Recognize the limitations
Lack of time to communicate is not the only problem. Friendship has many obstacles when you do not coincide in the life stages. One friend is busy with children, the other goes on business trips. The material condition can also vary, which places restrictions on leisure time together.
Be realistic and do not expect the impossible from friends and meetings. Then it will be easier to find compromises - for example, to choose a less costly type of leisure time. Awareness of limitations will help to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts: you reject the invitation to dinner, because it is tight with the finances, and the girlfriend seems that you do not want to see her. It is also worth your initiative - offer ideas for meetings, but try to take into account the circumstances of your girlfriends. They will appreciate your attention and care.
4. Prepare for surprises
We tend to think for others. We supposedly know how our friend will react to this or that situation. But our assumptions are often wrong. Thoughts prevent us from solving problems and alienate us.
For example, a girlfriend talks about children all the time, but you are not interested in talking about diapers and queues to kindergarten. You worry - girlfriend will be upset if to translate the conversation on another topic. Maybe. But maybe the opposite - she will be happy to discuss your recent vacation and for a moment forget about domestic chores. So don't try to decide for your girlfriends, check your assumptions.
5. Avoid competitions
From time to time, we compare ourselves to our friends. But when we have different lives, it's hard to understand who's gone ahead. If you have different life priorities, there is an area in which you will find yourself lagging behind. Jealousy is an unpleasant feeling, but it is a normal reaction.
However, the constant "competition" does not go to the benefit of friendship and devalue your achievements. Do not dwell on what you lag behind your friends, and do not get carried away with self-criticism. Remember, everyone has ups and downs and you do not know what the other person is going through.
6. Change your mind about the situation
Now you are at different stages of life - try to take advantage of this situation. Use the experience of your friends to make decisions in your life. Maybe you want to start living with a man, get married, get promoted or have a baby. Look at a friend who already has one. This will help you assess your future prospects and understand how ready you are for these changes.
7. Make new friends
It makes sense that as our lives change, so do our friends. You're trying to weave your old friends into new life circumstances and keep your friendships - that's great. But why not expand the circle of communication?
Communicate with people who are closer to you in your interests and circumstances: work colleagues, young mothers, unmarried women. With them you will be able to discuss issues that are relevant only to your situation. This will relieve pressure from old friends who are experiencing other life situations.
It is not easy to keep friendships when your lives are different. But that's why the friendship, which thanks to the patience and understanding lasts for many years, especially valuable.