An infantile egoist wants others to solve his problems just because he wants to. His stupid head has no idea that the world owes him anything if he is already an adult. And even if he is not yet of age, Mom and Dad owe him very little compared to what he would like.
Healthy self-sufficiency is based on a clear knowledge that nobody owes me anything, and if somebody does something for me, it's only by personal desire.
Healthy self-sufficiency means that people can exchange goods and services on mutually beneficial terms, and each of them is sane enough to make a decision to cooperate voluntarily or voluntarily refuse to cooperate. If he is not sane and does not know what to agree to or refuse - life experience to help him, as well as good teachers who are teaching, who kick his ass and teach him to understand it.
Healthy self-sufficiency presupposes that adults do not teach each other's lives without a special request, do not walk on someone else's territory with their own rules and do not impose their own way of life on others.
Healthy self-sufficient people do not explain to others what it should be for them, they either accept the other as it is or goes to look for something more suitable because no one has to change themselves without their desire. If they don't like the person, they don't like the person.
An infantile selfish person is not able to make himself happy and happy, to provide himself with everything he needs, so he is looking for someone to fall on his neck and bend under his needs, trying to put pressure on the other person to shame guilt, fear, and pity. And whoever does this is just as selfish and infantile as he thinks that without him the poor man will be lost, just as he himself cannot make his life better without his own kind.
Healthy, self-sufficient adults do not enter into relationships to solve each other's problems. It is because their interaction in itself enriches them, not exhausts them, as it happens in the case of infantile egoists.
And for healthy adults who are self-sufficient, solving their problems together is a voluntary desire to help their loved one, not a means for mutual manipulation. But since these people are adults, i.e. developed, clever and clever, they do not have to get into trouble as often as infantile egoists do. Moreover, they don't have any problems at all, except for sudden natural or social cataclysms - they have problems.
An infantile egoist does not have any problems, he just spends air.
A separate topic is the form of contact between infantile people.
I am repulsed by the unjustified, i.e., characterological (i.e., what is a constant habit for a human being) su-shu-shu and mi-mi in people in the same way as the unjustified characterological panic pushes me away. Both of these habits characterize a person as being tactless, not familiar with contexts and people, and therefore rubbing himself in a place where he was not expected. No matter how a person breaks down - with or without a bouquet. He breaks down.
Healthy relationships are built very slowly, step by step, and at each step, each person can and must decide for himself, whether he goes further.
People who can't stand this tact are babies who can't stand it. No normal adult person will ever enter into a relationship with a baby, because it is a perversion. Adults enter into relationships with adults. Underdevelopment can be for an adult-only student, client or subordinate. He or she does not have a wide range of skills for peers, including a lack of stability, sustainability, and problem-solving skills without expecting others to do so.
Many underdeveloped people justify their impulsive and tactless behavior with temperament. No, babies, it's not temperament. Temperature is responsible for the speed of information processing, the exchange of nerve signals in the body. In false starters information does not have time to be processed, they are always in a state of misthought of any information and vomit around their undigested feelings.
An adult with a high temperament VERY Quickly processes the information and makes IMPLEMENTED decisions, and often it looks like silence - because the decision is made not to create a fuss. Hustle and bustle is a sign of infantile.