I know it's not always easy to listen, sometimes we get so annoyed that we want to use earplugs to protect ourselves from verbal slaughter. Over time, we get so tired of such performances that we take the path of generalization and defend ourselves against almost everyone who wants to talk to us.
For this and many other reasons, people don't really know how to listen. Recent research has shown that we usually use only 25% of our listening skills. A study by Larry Barker found that if the communication was very good, in two months people will remember 25% of what they heard.
Perhaps there is some truth in the old saying that God gave a man one mouth and two ears so that he could listen more and speak less. If you learn to listen better, you can take advantage of it. I can ensure that this skill will help you develop and strengthen your professional and social relationships.
Why we have trouble listening
There are huge differences between listening and hearing. Hearing is just a biological function that does not require significant brain effort, while listening requires intellectual tension because we must interpret and evaluate what we hear and respond to the message. (Some writers say the opposite: what we hear, what we hear, what we hear, and vice versa.) What is important here is that we will analyze the listening activities, which requires functioning and action on the part of the brain.
Words never keep up with thoughts
Various studies have shown that the speed of our thinking processes is four times faster than the speed of oral transmission of words. Think about how your brain is idle when you listen to someone else's speech. It takes the speaker one minute to say what we can understand in fifteen seconds. This means that we lose forty-five seconds in retreating from what the speaker is saying. So we often get bored and stop listening to what is being said. This difference in thought and word speed can explain why people generally enjoy speaking more than listening.
Our ears are selfish
Our ears are selective. We pay attention to the information that is useful for our business and interests and turn off if they talk about things that are not relevant to our problems. The more experienced we become, the more capricious and fastidious our ears become. When someone starts a conversation, we understand from the very first words what they intend to say and immerse ourselves in their own thoughts, without paying attention to the message.
We make hasty judgments about the words we hear and distort
When we hear a message or even a single word that runs counter to our way of thinking, regardless of the speaker's intentions, we launch a defensive process in which we begin to think through ideas that disprove the speaker, criticize the information provided to us, and try to predict and disprove the ideas that are coming in. It is clear that our new hypotheses are not always correct, and this jump to conclusions often leads to misinterpretations of the information.
The environment can be a distraction
Everything that surrounds us hurts our concentration. The location of the chairs, the temperature in the room, the coughing neighbor, noisy machinery and equipment outside the lecture hall can distract us and prevent us from following the speaker's reasoning. Sometimes even the heavy breathing of the person sitting behind us can direct our thoughts in a completely different direction. No matter how favorable and ideal the conditions are, there are always reasons to stop listening.
Hearing is hard work
We have already seen that listening is an active skill that requires concentration and intellectual effort. However, most people prefer to stay in their comfort zone, passively use their hearing, not to analyze and interpret what they have said. In such a situation, we almost always pretend to pay attention to the speaker, but we actually think about other things. We often have to talk to people who have "passed out"; they have a lifeless look, showing that their body is here but their spirit is somewhere far away.
Why is it important to listen
The way we listen can be crucial to our professional success and the quality of our personal relationships. People who have listening difficulties are not very productive at work and face problems communicating with others. For example, if you have to be selected for a job, the fact that you know how to listen will help you determine what the company intends to do and what it expects from you.