Everyone needs a place where they feel safe and secure. Everyone is looking for a place where they can relax and be themselves. Ideally, it should be a parent's home. If we felt loved by our parents, if they accepted us as we are, we had a warm family. And what to do if the memories of childhood do not warm up, but traumatize?
PRIMARY TRUST TRICKS
A child's sense of acceptance and love transforms us into a fundamental attitude of life that accompanies us in our adult lives: we feel safe in the world around us. We have confidence in ourselves and therefore trust in others. In this case, we are talking about primary trust.
Primary trust is the home within us because it gives us internal support and protection.
However, many people associate their childhood with unpleasant memories, sometimes even traumatic ones. Some people had unhappy early years, and they tried to erase their memories from their memories.
Others, on the other hand, claim that their childhood was "normal" or even "happy," but a closer look makes it clear that their position is nothing but self-deception.
However, if a person has ousted a child's negative experience from his or her memory or, as an adult, tries to diminish the significance of those impressions, his or her primary trust is vaguely expressed.
Such people have problems with self-esteem, they constantly doubt whether they are needed by their partner, boss, friends, whether they are pleasant to them. This is because they do not really love themselves, feel insecure and often experience difficulties in interpersonal communication.
Primary trust cannot be developed artificially, and this, in turn, becomes the reason for the lack of an inner core. Instead, they want a sense of security and reliability from others. Other people should become their home: colleagues, partners, acquaintances or even cashiers in the supermarket. And they are disappointed over and over again if their expectations are not met. They don't notice that they are trapped - whoever doesn't have a home inside will not be able to find it in the outside world.
HOW CHILDREN'S EXPERIENCES CREATE DIFFICULTIES FOR ADULTS
When we talk about the manifestations of children's experiences, which, along with genetic characteristics, determine our essence and self-esteem, we talk about the part of the person defined in psychology as an "inner child". The inner child is the sum of our childhood experiences, both good and bad, which we have learned through our parents and other close people.
Most of these memories are in the unconscious area. Therefore, we can say that the inner child is an essential part of the unconscious. These are our fears, needs, and experiences that we have experienced as children. But these are all positive impressions from the past, too.
Still, first of all, the negative manifestations of children's experiences create difficulties in adult life. Because the child in us tries to do everything possible to ensure that the grievances and injuries inflicted on him in childhood, did not happen again in his life.
On a conscious level, we think of ourselves as independent adults who manage our lives. However, at the unconscious level, our inner child has a quite tangible impact on the worldview, feelings, thoughts, and actions. Sometimes even more than the mind. It has been scientifically proven that subconsciousness is a powerful mental apparatus that controls our actions and experiences by 80-90 percent.
Even those who, as a child, have been predominantly happy and have built primary trust, are not devoid of life's difficulties and problems. And their inner child has experienced certain traumas because there are no ideal parents and childhood in principle.
Along with positive impressions, even relatively happy children adopt different negative experiences of their parents, which can later become the cause of life problems. They can live by the principle: "Better bird in hand than crane in the sky".
In any case, negative manifestations from childhood impose restrictions on our development and may hinder our relations with others.
In the end, it will be true for each of us to say that only when we get to know each other and make friends with our inner child will we be able to know what traumas and experiences we have within ourselves. To be continued in the next part https://zen.yandex.ru/media/id/5d8dfb2dc49f2900b12d4733/how-to-make-friends-with-an-inner-child-and-become-more-confident-part-2-5d91a8c41e8e3f00ad84ca6a