The culture of rejection is a separate skill that requires attention and training. Try saying "no" when you really want to do something. Trace your reaction. That it will be - no doubt.
And now try to do the same with someone close to you. The reaction will be too! And what a reaction! Someone will flare-up: "Why not?!", someone will be offended in silence, someone will start to find out the reasons, someone - to furiously prove their position - there are a lot of scenarios.
And what scares us most of all about refusing? On the one hand, that very unpredictable reaction. We don't understand how emotionally the other side will answer us, we can't predict how deeply and for how long a person will hang in this situation. On the other hand, through our own experience, we begin to paint a picture: to imagine how a person will be offended, angry, etc. And this fear of not meeting expectations...
We need to be prepared for the "no" to demonize us in the eyes of the candidate. Any "no" is a responsibility! Just like for any "yes".
By saying "no" to the candidate, we assume the responsibility to explain. This, in turn, requires our strength, energy, time and reaction.
Let's talk about how to prepare ourselves to say no.
This is quite simple in mass selection when the flow of candidates is large. The hardest thing for me to do is to refuse in case of an individual story, or when I choose "the best of the best".
If it is a flow, the easiest way to give a refusal is through an automated answer. It is easier to write a letter than to make a call, it is easier to make a call than to say it to your eyes. It's more important to say it to your eyes than to keep quiet. This has become a professional mantra for me, which I repeat.
I am preparing emotionally for a conversation or call. I'm waiting for "ready" to sound inside me and I'll be in the right condition to talk to the candidate. Why is that? In my experience, I realized that calling is technically hard, I feel uncomfortable, and the person feels insincerity. You know, as if they answer the script. This increases the negative effect of the conversation. It seems to me that (especially if the position of the candidate is dotted) many precedents can be avoided if you communicate sincerely with people, even voicing not very pleasant decisions for them.
I always talk about how difficult it was for us, as a company, to make a choice. If this is really the case. And this is not a question of regret, but of joining the candidate, joining him emotionally. It seems to me that it is important not to stand on different sides, but to be in the same field of experience. This is a kind of buffer that cushions the negative.
Thank you. At the beginning of the conversation, in the middle, in the end. Gratitude for time, for efforts, for opportunity, for interest, for point of view, for professionalism. "Stroking" will reduce the degree of negation.
Arguments of rejection are extremely important. Remember yourself in a situation of uncertainty. It is the same. After a "no" there are always more questions than after a "yes". Give the candidate an opportunity to improve, to reflect, to reflect and to change in the future. We need to master the feedback technique in a virtuoso way in order to reject it as environmentally friendly as possible, but at the same time developing, or at least simply understandable.
- Admit it. There are cases when a candidate is really indignant, upset and suppressed by the refusal. In such a situation, I try to support and recognize his experience. This is part of the rejection process. It should not be missed. It is important to work through the experience so as not to leave the candidate in a depressed emotional state. Support, in my opinion, is an ethical issue.
- Individually. If I write a rejection letter, I try to write a personal letter to everyone. With the words that this candidate will "hear". Of course, it takes more time, but it makes me feel more comfortable for myself. Quite often, in response to my letters, I receive a non-standard "thank you" from candidates. This makes me feel more comfortable.
- Maintaining relationships. If the candidate is really strong, I try not to break off the relationship. Many people say "we'll keep you in mind". I try to offer the candidate an opportunity to enter another project or recommend it to my colleagues. I personally call and ask if something is relevant for him at the moment. I pass his contacts and CV to open positions in other companies. This is a kind of social responsibility for me. I am happy when a candidate calls and thanks for the opportunity.
And lastly. How to tell a candidate that he is not suitable. Just say it.
We all understand the formal side of the issue.