The reasons for emotional dissatisfaction in a relationship can vary.
This includes the difference in emotional level of 2 people, and the personal disorder of the partner, and emotional violence. However, the most common reason for this is the emotional inaccessibility of one of the partners.
There's no villainy of another member of the couple. It's about the low empathy inherent in this person. But this is not about autism, Asperger's syndrome or a schizoid personality. Such a person is born quite normal, and even is endowed by nature with more emotionality than the average, but at a certain stage of life, he blocks all the empathic impulses. Sometimes because the environment dictates to him as if to be empathic shameful weakness, and sometimes because empathy brings quite strong feelings that a particular person can not digest. One day, under the next pressure of worries, the brain of this person decides: "Stop it to us!" and puts a block between the frontal cortex and limbics.
What is going on? And there is a separation of processes. The frontal crust in itself. It receives and processes signals from other people, but they remain at the level of intellectual understanding. They do not enter limbo. Own experiences also remain inside the person, not reaching the frontal cortex, and are not realized. Most often, all "limbic energy" goes down to the centers of regulation of the body's activity: heartbeat, sweating, pressure, etc.
In practice, for the carrier of emotional inaccessibility, it will look like this. He or she can see the feelings of another person and think that it is bad to suffer like that. But in his soul he will not have any moves. Or he or she may have all sorts of effects such as heartbeat and pressure rise, but the person cannot connect them with feelings and will think that he or she is sick. This is one of the mechanisms of psychosomatic symptomatology.
However, the person does not always look like a dull breadcrumbs. He simply does not get in time with the feelings of others, does not understand in what situations he hurts others. He can have fun at funerals and be surprised that all the dull people sit here. Life goes on!
Moreover, these people attract others, because their behavior attracts the eye. Sometimes they seem to be such bigots or strong personalities who overcome the hardships of life with their will. Often, people who see that there is some sort of an emotion here, want to understand what is going on, to look closer. Women often "fall for" such men because of the fantasy that a person needs help and she will definitely save him with her love.
Emotionally inaccessible can be equally men and women. But women are more likely to complain and suffer more from a lack of emotional return.
How can one define an emotionally inaccessible person? Basically, the fact that he tries to avoid any form of communication, where the degree of emotion can rise. This applies mainly to interpersonal communication. On other occasions, he may be quite emotional, cheerful for his favorite team, be a fervent politician and selflessly save animals.
- He doesn't talk about feelings and even if he doesn't like it, he's annoying and trying to avoid such conversations.
- A person does not like to talk about himself, his past, plans for the future, what he has achieved and what he can do.
- Avoids discussing or clarifying relationships. It's not like a prince, it's just that such activities make him uncomfortable and he avoids them.
- Often, when he is asked for an opinion or to express a relationship, he responds vaguely.
- He is a bad communicator, people are often offended by him, he involuntarily insults and hurts them.
- He often runs away from the relationship as soon as he feels that the emotional background becomes too pronounced. At the first sign of love, he prefers to start a relationship somewhere as long as there isn't too much anxiety. It happens that he has 2 or 3 novels in parallel, so that he does not get too tense emotionally anywhere.
As for people who enter into relationships with people who are emotionally inaccessible, they often feel neglected and disliked. They do not feel supported. There is no synthesis, no balance in the relationship when you invest, and you get back.
Why do you need all this? You need to know that such people are present in life. It's hard and you shouldn't blame yourself for what's going on between you and them. You don't have to think, "Well, how else can I turn around to make a person happy? First, you cannot do it unilaterally, he or she must decide for himself or herself. If they are happy with everything, it is unpromising to change someone by force. Secondly, this state is a certain balance and harmony. Yes, it is possible to be better and fuller and livelier. But a person feels quite normal, because he has anesthetized himself. If you change something and dig, it's not only work, but also raising whole layers of negative experience. A man must decide to do it himself. No one is forced to be happy.