I've already written a couple of times that anger is a normal part of the human psyche. If we do not like something, we are in a state of stress, then a portion of adrenaline is thrown into the bloodstream, which triggers anger. Under the influence of this hormone, mediators responsible for anger are released into the brain. Anger expresses itself in the corresponding behavior - aggression. And even its manifestation is also normal, because you need not only to experience some negative emotions inside yourself, but also to show others that you do not like something and you are ready to respond. And it is not the presence of aggression in behavior that matters, but the form and degree of aggression.
In the way a person shows his dissatisfaction, many individual features. Someone explodes aggression, and someone boils gradually. The degree of control over external manifestations of anger is also very different. Some people have difficulty controlling their negative emotions. It is harder to contain them in a state of fatigue or if a person is sick. In addition, people with brain damage of different genesis (traumas, infections, etc.) have difficulty controlling their behavior. Some people do not have the skills and understanding that they cannot behave aggressively, while others have experience that only by showing aggression can they solve problems.
Often culture, social and gender attitudes play a big role. For example, it is not right to show aggression towards superiors, but those who cannot defend themselves are not seldom angry. So a boss can be quite aggressive with his subordinates. For women, aggression and display of anger is almost indecent. If you scandalize and demand something, nobody will love you, they will not marry you, and if they will, they will abandon you. Men's anger is looked upon much more favourably. Well, he is a man, he has testosterone, where to go. Juniors should not be angry with the elders, the elders can do it. This is called education.
However, even regardless of gender, age, society and culture, curbing anger is a serious problem. Those who are forbidden or condemned to show aggression are also angry. They can show aggression not to those who have caused their discontent, but to those who cannot resist them. For example, not the boss, but his family. There are people who never let anyone show their anger to themselves. They are more likely to fry themselves on "angry hormones", trying not to cross the line in external manifestations. It is believed that this behavior of a well-behaved person should help to adapt in society. But in fact, the habit of not expressing one's anger leads to the opposite result.
First, if you do not show that you do not like something, then do not dissuade that you will be treated as before. After all, no one knows about your true attitude to what is happening.
Secondly, the constant boiling anger turns into hatred, which begins to boil even more actively. There is no longer a one-step release of adrenaline, it is constantly in the blood. Each new memory of how you were offended, throws a new dose of hormone in the blood. Stress becomes chronic, cortisol in the blood increases, which is quite destructive to the body and causes a variety of diseases.
Third, people who restrain themselves from showing anger rarely leave unsatisfactory relationships. Since all anger remains in their heads, they go into toxic thinking and begin to experience some pleasure from what is wrong with them.
So the point is to express their anger within acceptable limits and to show aggression within reasonable limits. What can be done:
1. Old as the world council - to count to 10. During this time, the mediators in the brain will stop working on the neurons. These chemicals are very quickly "disassembled" into parts by special enzymes. It is necessary to give them time to work. The fact is that in moments of anger, emotional reactions overwhelm the frontal cortex, which is responsible for awareness and planning. That is, if you start to react immediately, the chance to "do something stupid" is very high. So we need to give the frontal cortex a chance to get involved.
2. After that, you need to tell the person you are angry with about your anger. How it works depends on the situation.
3. Tell me what exactly caused your anger.
4. Stop being angry, thinking about how bad your opponent is and how he has offended you. You begin to drive yourself into a state of stress, from which the emotional response begins to prevail over the sensible.
After that, people return to the ability to discuss something substantively, without personal emotions. This is not so easy to do, as the habits of expressing emotions are very stable. Yes, the world is full of inadequacy. If you calm down and your opponent does not, it is better not to get involved emotionally. You do this primarily for yourself, not for your opponent.
In principle, clarification of relations and confrontation is also aggression. Whether they will be constructive depends on the number of emotions thrown out by opponents. If you put the energy of anger in the right direction, it will be used to solve the problem, not just to release steam.
And the last piece of advice. If you fail to find out the attitude with the person you were angry with, refrain from outpouring your negative emotions on others. just once and for all decide that your anger should be directed at the person you have a conflict with, and not at those who did not have time to hide. If you find yourself in the process of "anger disruption" on others, try to stop it. Sit down and write a letter to the abuser. You don't have to send it. There, you can express everything that has accumulated in your heart, without being shy. It's a great way to blow off steam. Well, when you meet the object of anger again, you should essentially find out.