Many people think that the world is filled with cheeky and aggressive people. However, no less than a proportion of the world's population is made up of so-called "nice people". They are cute in their upbringing, which forces them to be like that, but in fact, their compliance and gentleness is harmful to themselves.
Some of the "nice" people realize that they lose a lot because of their character. I want to do a lot in life, but the "decent upbringing" does not allow. Others recognize their cute character by the texts and the words of experts, and are horrified, is it really so.
Well, and, of course, there is still a large group of "nice" begins with different degrees of aggression to defend their position. From their point of view, a "normal person" should be like this. Constant surrender of their own positions and decisions taken to their detriment are, in their opinion, the norm. And all this must be accompanied by a sense of guilt and shame. If you are not ashamed of anything, you are the wrong person. Well, you're not perfect, and therefore you need to dig up something imperfect in yourself and start to be ashamed and saw yourself. This is a necessary condition not to spoil and not to sink morally.
Despite different attitudes and different degrees of awareness of their characteristics, almost all "nice people" are convinced: "It is impossible and indecent to live for yourself. If you do this, it will be terrible - you will be loved. Parents, friends, colleagues, neighbors, bosses, tram drivers and even hamsters in the bank will not love you.
The 3 main ones are from the belief that nice people follow, so that they are not neglected by others.
- It is necessary to be dependent. If you are not dependent on anyone, people will leave you. But if you depend on them, they will not dare to do so. In turn, others should depend on you. Then they won't leave you either, because they won't be able to live without you. Independence is a terrible thing. Nobody needs you, and you don't need anyone. It is definitely loneliness. And, of course, it's better to confuse yourself as tightly as possible with this network of addictions. This is more reliable.
- It is necessary to be ethical. And "ethical" to infinity. If people experience some negative feelings as a result of communication with you, it means that they will immediately stop loving you. And so do not let God say something in spite of the fact, to express their opinion, and, even more so, to get angry or do something to yourself in the first place. And we must constantly scan ourselves for ethics, because there is always a risk that somehow involuntarily someone else's existence can find a cloud of negativity.
- True love/friendship, understood as a certain Absolute. If you do not meet the parameters, then your love and friendship are not real. You are a half-hearted and selfish person in a relationship and so there is nothing to love you about. What do you need to do to not be selfish:
- you should never criticize a friend or partner under any circumstances. And he can criticize you in any form. You can't be offended;
- Accept him as he is, so that he does not create, even if he causes direct harm to others. And always forgive, even if the partner repents of what he has done and wants to be forgiven;
- There should be no limits to love and friendship. You have to tell him everything and hide nothing. And there is no hidden corner in your own head. You have to do everything for your partner and friend that he needs;
- If you feel bad in a relationship or the partner is not quite happy, then you are trying badly;
- If you have a need to be friends with other people or enter into new relationships, then you are a dirty traitor and have never really loved or been friends.
Of course, if you put it together, the parameters aren't so crazy. They do not make the main problem here by themselves, but by giving them an absolute meaning. A lot of "always/never/every-everyone/everyone" generalizations, etc., which make the failure to fulfill the conditions really scary. You actually have no other way out, you have to be "nice" under fear of social death.
Everything is normal and has its limits. It is unethical to boast, to deceive in order to obtain benefits. However, life is so arranged that many people are upset that we exist in nature at all. We walk, breathe, stand in queues, make sounds, sit in transport when others are standing, buy tickets to concerts, when others don't get them, and take a place at work where someone else could work. What do we do with it? Die? People around here can feel unhappy about it. It's their life and they make their own decisions about how to react. We cannot satisfy and make the whole world happy.
You can probably become completely independent of society, go to the taiga or settle on a desert island. Nobody around you, do what you want. But living in the inhabited areas, having neighbors, relatives, friends and colleagues, it will not be possible to become completely detached from them. It is our business to determine what degree of freedom and dependence we need and benefit from. In fact, addiction does not promise love and does not protect you from being abandoned, no matter how vulnerable you are.
Love also has its limits. If the relationship goes into the field of exploitation and violence, one cannot talk about boundless and true love. You are no longer loved, you have already been rejected, and there is no point in being afraid.
Beliefs can be tricky to intertwine with each other. For example, a person may force himself to pursue a career in a certain area because it is unethical not to meet the expectations of parents. They are dependent on their son's success emotionally, and will be upset if he suddenly starts doing something else. And the wife is not so happy with today's salary level. If she is not 100% happy, then you are free in a relationship.