People often complain that relationships do not work out because of trivial reasons. There are wishes, there are plans, but they never express them, because... Well, they don't know why. That's not going to say out loud what you want. At the same time, it is very desirable that the people around you somehow guessed. And if they don't guess - byaki. Or I am byaka myself, since people do not satisfy my needs. This is usually followed by a heavy breath and "this is how we live". Or "Well, why, that's life. How many people want what. It is necessary to roll up a lip as well".
Well, why not? Why don't you tell me what you want. You have to at least let people know what you want. It is then that they can reject them. But most people in society are not villains at all. They even make concessions quite often. Unless, of course, they know what people around them want.
But why are people afraid to ask what they want or to express their opinion?
There are several reasons:
- Fear that others will think they are too aggressive.
- Fear of aggression from others. Suddenly, if people don't like it, they will beat or scold, ridicule or take revenge.
- Afraid of causing inconvenience to others.
- They are afraid to seem insensitive if they point out to people that people make mistakes or do not act fairly towards them. For example, many people find it indecent even to tell someone that their name is not pronounced correctly. Or his name is not Vasya, but Kolya.
- Fear that his own opinion or request may cause a conflict.
- Fears that they have no right to express their wishes in some situation. For example, they want too much.
- People are afraid that if they ask for something personal, they will be considered selfish, strange and rejected.
- Fear that any request would make them vulnerable.
Interestingly enough, very few people have these problems in their lives globally. Usually they do sway some limited moments, communication with a certain circle of people.
That's how problems can manifest themselves in communicating with:
- Strangers.
- Unfamiliar people.
- Important people and those with high rank.
- Friends.
- Relatives and loved ones.
Someone is ready to easily dump all the details of a stranger, and friends are afraid to tell what he wants. It happens that a person is afraid to ask for more tea or a cookie, to close the window, etc. And some people may demand from their relatives everything that is suitable, but never allow themselves to open their mouths in front of any other category of persons.
Situations are also different. Some people are afraid to speak out if people around them have problems (or think about it), or if people have joy. Part of the group thinks that it is impossible to say what you want to say if people eat or rest.
What does it lead to? People are usually dissatisfied with their lives. They avoid telling their partner what they want, because the partner will be angry, upset, angry, etc. And in general, "wise women are silent", and wise men do not provoke the wife to start sawing them. And what is especially terrible, in my opinion, when such a "patient" breaks through many years later. So, 25-30 years old. And he pours out all the dissatisfaction, which accumulated a quarter of a century. He says, "...you know, I've suffered all my life. I've had so many desires, and you're a... insensitive bastard. I was unhappy all these years. And you tortured me.
And the partner is bewildered. He thought that everything in the family was okay. Everybody is happy, the relationship is beautiful. And here he turns out to be a tyrant, and for so many years he has been hurting someone else.
In fact, this is the one who has tolerated and wanted to be good, lived all these years in a lie. He did not save the marriage with his silence, but lied to his partner that he was happy and satisfied with everything. He defended himself from disappointment and was afraid that he would be rejected. And very often it was completely unnecessary. All these years of suffering could only be solved by letting himself be heard.
Yes, the other half could react negatively. But that's either an excuse to work on a relationship. Or, if a partner does not make concessions or respect at all, stop suffering and take a step. Make yourself better.
People who keep silent play against themselves first of all, because they never give themselves a chance to act in their own interests. They deprive themselves of the opportunity to establish relationships with others.
And, you know, expressing their feelings is not a hit-and-run. Everything can be expressed in neutral terms and without accusatory tone. Yes, in some situations there may be a confrontation with the opponent, but not all the desires of others are perceived with enthusiasm. There is nothing wrong with you disagreeing with different opinions. At least, it is a way to know what a person thinks about a particular issue.
And most importantly. You will remove unnecessary and quite serious stress from your life.