Really, how many times a day do you say "love" to a person you feel for? "How many grams of attention do you want to hang? How to show your love in the right dosage and not to overdo it, but, and that there was no shortage? It is very important to show love and empathy to your partner. This is the basis for mutual understanding and satisfaction in marriage. Adjustment in a relationship arises spontaneously and is based on the same empathy. What's easier than that? Listen to the other, and happiness will be.
But that's all right if you're all right with empathy. That is, you look at the person and feel him. But what if empathy isn't so good? And even if empathy is good, but I'm not sure what to do with this "emotional state of the partner" and his needs? Many people have difficulties with this. Here he is, a partner, clearly wants love and attention. And how much do you want him to hang in grams so that he doesn't miss? And so that the "short flight" does not work and the "flight" does not work. You need detailed instructions.
Of course, everything depends on the circumstances and personality of the partner. One should place posters with confessions around every corner in the apartment. If he suddenly makes the wrong move and his eyes do not restrain in the banner, stretched between the furniture, talking about eternal love, he begins to cover the panic. What if nobody needs it? And there are those who believe that the word "love" is enough to say once. Then it acts by default until "I receive another order". In general, for them all this "I love-nimaga" every day - unnecessary fuss.
In other words, a partner is a variable. Here, too, you can talk a lot about the needs of different people. But I want to talk about those who don't know "how much to hang in grams".
This problem concerns not only the affairs of the heart, but practically all other conceivable and unthinkable aspects of human relationships and affairs. There are people who always feel inadequate in their relationships with others. It seems to them that they are very clumsy in their interactions, and they do not know how to make themselves "bogged down". These people are already downgrading their importance in society from the very beginning and evaluating their social skills below average. They are sure that nobody will live with them, that there is nothing to love them for, and that they will not do for others, they will be wiped out. Even if they try very hard, they will still fail. And they are always ready to be criticized and rejected. For they always do everything wrong, and their clumsiness hurts people around them.
They want relationships and love, they feel like a partner, but they don't know how to do it without breaking the relationship, getting bored, tense, greedy/ stupid/negative, etc. In fact, within themselves they already believe that this is what people think of them. It's just that the partner won't always guess at once about their character or won't notice what others see. But he will also understand that he lives with a stupid, limited, uninteresting person who is unable to love and give warmth.
These people's relationships are extremely disturbing and the expectation that the partner will leave them now. They feel like an elephant in a dishwasher shop who has been entrusted with pouring tea. You know, an elephant will someday mess up, even if it tries very hard.
This feeling of inner incongruity is laid down in childhood. Parents do not give children positive reinforcement and warmth. Whatever the child does, it is criticized. They say that he has "hook-hands", that he "will do everything wrong", etc. And in general, don't blink and don't get under your feet, don't get involved with kisses, you've got everybody. As to "not to bother everyone", the child does not know and nobody tells him about it. And parents also do not know, because the child irritates them on its own, or they can not adequately cope with their emotions, releasing them to their child.
What decides the child? Such as I am, with hands, hooks, clumsy and stupid, I am not needed. And no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to correct myself, all these shortcomings are not overcome. I was born that way. He decides it's better to try to be someone else. Tell people the right things, hide his incompetence and illiteracy, give more attention and warmth. Arrange for people to feel comfortable physically and emotionally around in any way possible, even to their detriment. All efforts do not lead to positive results, because the person still does not feel adequate.
It often happens that such people achieve a lot in life, but the feeling of inadequacy does not leave them. They are sure that the picture of their personality, exhibited by others, hangs on one rusty nail and swings from every breeze of wind. It's scary. Such a state is called "impostor's syndrome" and even those whose social and academic success cannot be questioned are subject to it.
What to do with it?
The most important thing is to determine that this condition is happening. You are not alone in the world who feels that way. And even those who seem to be completely problem-free can execute themselves for the fact that his opinion is regarded as stupid, or for the fact that he could not say something right in the conversation.
Second, it is good to think about whether the relationship or life is really in danger. If something is not said in time or the opinion is not in the cash register, then you will not fall out of love for it the whole world. From time to time all people make serious mistakes in building social ties. Have you done wrong? Get better and next time you can do it right.
Give yourself the right to respond to the claims of others. They may have a different opinion, but it does not cancel your presence. Even if your opponent insists, you may not accept their point of view.
Let's go back to partners. A lot of partners are unsuitable. Not everyone should have a relationship at all costs. And on some, you shouldn't even waste time telling them how to get to the subway. The fact that the relationship is not built depends not only on you. Do you not give warmth? Does it give you warmth?
And stop the inner dialogue with yourself. Usually such people have a conversation with themselves, proving that there is still this very inadequacy that destroys everything. They warn themselves against taking any extra steps on their own, because nothing good can be expected from themselves.
Well, how do you say "love"? If you say this word once every 15 minutes, it can really be annoying and will start to irritate. You can talk about your feelings and relationships in different ways. For example, you can say how important your partner is to you, how he has a positive impact on your life, to show interest in him, to show concern, to spend time with him and much more. After all, Google it. The Internet is full of advice of all sorts, what to do and how to do it. Naturally, not all suitable and will work, but a couple of ... and even a couple of dozen for yourself can easily dig up. Catch the idea and put meaning into it, the features of your relationship. Just do not apply ready-made templates to your relationship. All are different and not everyone works as described on the sites.