Among the usual tips to do something with yourself with your own head, besides "pull yourself together" and "spit on fools", there is another one: "Believe in yourself".
You can find a lot of different articles in scientific journals, which will confirm that those who believe in themselves, achieve everything and everything they have best. But those who don't believe in themselves... are worse off.
So, to improve your life, you have to believe in yourself.
If you look closely at the worn-out phrase, it actually sounds a little strange. What does it mean to believe in yourself? Like aliens? Whether I am, or I am not. Science is not proven. Are there any reliable facts of existence? Yes, how to say... from which side to look.
In the same understanding that we usually put into this phrase, it means believing that you can do something. It seems that everything is simple: believe that you can, and then you can. But there are nuances. You don't just have to "do it" at the level of "spit on fools", but "you can do it". There are problems with self-confidence around the personality itself.
People all believe in themselves. But they believe in the creature they think they are. That's what we think of ourselves, that's what we believe. Attempts to pretend to be or pretend to be someone else from outside quickly fail. If someone believes that he is a "lousy dog", the "white puppy" looks unconvincing and for a short time. If you think you're an unnecessary loser and inflate your cheeks looking in the mirror, the reflection shouts to you, "I don't believe it. And the inner voice with the reproach adds: "Well, who are you kidding?
What determines the ability to believe in yourself:
- I am a concept. What do we know about ourselves? What kind of information about ourselves do we carry with us? A lot of people carry a suitcase without a pen full of "I'm not enough... (something)" and other negative and unflattering reviews. If there is no other luggage, you can even steal someone else's luggage, it will not change anything. The suitcase is not yours, and you know it. And it is not always easy to part with your suitcase of nasty things about yourself. They are their own, pleasant and dear. So what if you're a bad boy? But you have a barrel of jam and a can of cookies (or vice versa). Do you want to be a kibalchish boy? You just have to believe in yourself! And then you "fly planes, steamships - hello boy! All this technique in slender rows along the blue river, which has a green hill of your grave with a red flag stuck in it. Maybe at first you want to wave a checker for the truth, but in such a way that you don't get to the fireworks from the side of military equipment. I.e. I believed in myself a little and enough, returned to jam.
- Awareness of myself as a person. Who is the same person in whom one should believe. There are a lot of people who know absolutely nothing about themselves. They live in their own bodies, but sometimes they don't know what they like and don't like, what they can and cannot do, etc. You can believe in yourself, but who am I?
- The connection between the traits you want to believe in and the characteristics of your own personality. It is very difficult to maintain the image of someone who is not a person if he has nothing to hold on to. Even actors, in order to become someone, get used to the role, set up their psyche to accept something else and work in this mode. But even when the actor "got along" he does not forget that he is not "king of the mountain", and the actor Vasya Pupkin. Vasya Pupkin ceases to be the "king of peas" outside the scene, not only because he is against the Tsarist regime and world imperialism, but also because in this "clinic". Work work, the role of the role, but the roof to correct from time to time also need to be.
- Social attitudes and rules. Vasya Pupkin with all the surrounding society believes that if you continue to be the "king of the peas in the minibus and vegetable shop, it is not normal. And if on many points in respect of what is normal and what is abnormal, most people agree, then there are many other nuances. Is it okay to build a career? Is it okay to sell something? Is it worthy to go to the army? Who meets and enters into a relationship with beautiful girls? And so on. If the inner conviction or values of a person have an accurate answer to these questions, it is very difficult to convince yourself to play against them, because the inner voice will say that it is abnormal, so you can not. For example, there is a belief that girls do not like you, because you did not come out outstanding. But you can "believe" in the fact that you can easily go to a beautiful girl and get acquainted. You can even go in the direction of the lady you like, but the same inner voice will stop: "This is not possible! It's not normal for freaks like you to meet girls. In this case, "self-confidence" is defeated by an inner conviction. Or rather, it is not "self-confidence", but faith in some other creature, which is not similar to you. You can meet a young man, but you can't meet her because you're a freak.
- Trust in your own perception. In addition to deep convictions, the ability to believe in yourself as a being who receives all sorts of signals from the environment and can interpret them independently has a great influence. Including definitely saying whether I did well or bad, whether I need it or not. It is very difficult for a person to believe in himself if he does not know what he wants, what he loves and what he does not like. Otherwise, a person cannot not only believe in himself, but even realize himself.
- Availability and organization of experience. In order for a person to believe in his or her own effectiveness, and to continue to believe in himself or herself, he or she must have in his or her luggage a set of facts about the fact that his or her personality is functioning normally and productively. At the same time, there should be more positive facts than negative facts. To a large extent, the way both facts of life are assessed depends on how the individual organizes the information, where the information is placed. It is not uncommon for people to be actively pushing forward cases of failure and failure, while positive experiences are overshadowed. If this is the case, a person begins to believe in himself as a person who will not succeed.
In other words, self-confidence begins with the question "who am I". It is the first question to be answered.
But there are many things that aren't so easy to do anymore. What is the reason why people often start to do something with themselves, change themselves somehow, and everything goes ashes? Often, people put up an image of the "I-Ideal" as a self to believe in. Everyone has this image, and it sets a certain direction for the development of personality. But there is a big difference in the fact:
- How steeply changing will the ideal person start to believe in himself or herself and whether he or she has the resources to prove his or her faith through experience. You can start from a place and a career, without thinking through the details. Once, spread out your arms, and the Iron Man costume on you is gathered on you. It's time to take off, and the fuel wasn't given a ride.
- What will be the gap between the real me and the ideal me in whom we believe? Often I am the real one, having lost the perspective and scope of the ideal, and I am blocked in the attack of agoraphobia under the nearest shop.
- I-ideal is a "spherical horse in a vacuum. Our idealized fantasies about ourselves are based on the data and information we have about ourselves. It does not have to be realized in the future, because every day we get new information about ourselves and the world, and the model is corrected. For this reason, it is pointless to be upset about my own mismatch with the ideal one. And you have to be aware that this ideal is not yet me, but only one of the variants of my condition in the distant future.
- The basis for the construction of faith--"I am real" in the process of development. What I am now, with my data and abilities, can do in the direction of the I-ideal. How can I act at this moment to get closer to an improved version of myself.
So it's not that easy to believe in yourself. But I think some of the things I have described can give you some direction in your work.