Love changes people, and not just for the good. Here, if every love were mutual and happy. So that people could live happily ever after, as in a fairy tale. Only in life there are things that happen. Sometimes nothing happens between people, and sometimes after some period of mutual existence there is a gap. And it's okay if there's "love has been withering away by tomatoes". I.e. feelings faded, faded, and then completely cooled down. Often it happens more often than not. Suddenly, in the midst of serene happiness, one of the partners gets a blow in the back. Suddenly, they don't want him, don't like him and don't want to be near him. And maybe the former partner found someone else who is better in every respect.
It's like a wife, after 10 years of living together, lazy Sunday morning, smearing butter on the bread, as if in between, says: "Remember Vasya Pupukina? In general, we decided to live together. In general, we've been meeting for a long time, we've thought about everything. So... I'm sorry.
The trauma of such events can be quite severe. Dr. Ross described it as "love trauma syndrome" in 1999. Not only is it a bad mood, it's also a number of other signs that make it look like post-traumatic stress syndrome.
Thus, people have "flashbacks", bright, emotionally rich pictures associated with the breakup. They may not only be related to a particular point of breaking off a relationship, but may also look like scenes of happiness, with a sense of anguish and grief for the fact that it will never happen again.
People become more emotionally detached, they move away from contact with others, and close up. They feel that nobody understands them, nobody can make their life easier, and they will never have anything.
Mood can be not only low. People begin to control their negative emotions poorly. This can be expressed in aggression and auto-aggression (aggression directed at oneself). They can easily switch to orchestrating, insulting and even physically attacking those who irritate them. Alternatively, they can sink into prolonged sobbing with a little nonsense.
The severity and duration of the condition varies. There are no special statistics, but it is assumed that men suffer more from this because of social attitudes. A woman, of course, is "samovinovata", but there is always an opportunity to become "wiser" and refer to the malignancy of the rival. It is even more psychologically difficult for a man to even start working with it, because the starting point of the analysis of flights will be the admission that you, after all, were not on top and you were abandoned. And even if we assume that the suffering of both sexes is the same, women "get out" more often and faster.
On the other hand, many women are not inclined to demonstrate their broken hearts, firstly, they are afraid of condemnation, and secondly, "wise women" never tell their men that they, women, had someone before the current partner. Even if the lady has three children from the first marriage, it is impossible to talk about the former, because if the current partner finds out, his male ego will be wounded. Here are friends for a glass of coffee, here yes, you can tell everything in full.
As for men, that is, this category (especially among them a lot of daffodils), which uses the fact of their unhappy love as a weapon to catch the victim. That is, this is how I suffered from one very bad aunt, and my heart is broken... and I have no one to heal him... I'm not asking for anything, but I can let you try to help me. Just try harder!
It's also a good way to explain to yourself and others why life doesn't work out the way you want it to.
This case quickly creates a philosophy according to which, as a victim of love and deception, the narcissist can do with the people around him whatever he wants. After all, he has already suffered, even if others suffer.
Of course, the vast majority of people do not have a hard clinical picture. But the "sluggish" version of his love post-traumatic syndrome, some can drag through life for quite a long time. After a hard-fought breakup, people may become less emotionally involved and have a harder time building relationships. More often, they take a position where they either have to prove that they are really loved, or they have to prove it themselves. They are not satisfied with the overall quality of the relationship, they seem pale and fake. Their partner becomes suspicious, whether he is lying or really loving, whether he stays with them willingly or just out of pity.
Often the "ghost of a former partner" is hovering in a relationship. It is compared to a new partner. Especially often this ghost rises from the depths of memory, when in a new relationship something does not work out. People are afraid to repeat the negative experience and try to predict the future trouble. Some people who suffer from the syndrome begin to accuse their partner that "I thought you were different/other and you are the same bastard". The other part communicates silently with its own ghosts. This also doesn't add colour to life.
I think that almost everybody had an unhappy love in life. Some people have very unhappy, some have very little. But people don't differ from each other in whether or not they had this event in their lives, but in how they handled it. Many people refuse to do anything about their love trauma because it becomes part of their lives and an instrument of interaction with others. It's not intentional, but it does. It significantly reduces the degree of pleasure you can get out of life. And it is worth remembering that your unsuccessful love and past breakup can hurt not only you, but everyone else around you. It will probably be more honest to deal with your psychological trauma first, and then start a new relationship.