What is the driving force behind perfectionism? Why does a man run forward and not stay in place? What gives him additional acceleration in infinity? After all, there is no limit to perfection and it can never be achieved.
The same catapult that a man shoots himself with is devaluing. I just reached the long desired goal, sighed deeply, looked around and realized that there are still losers, because there are people around who are higher, stronger, luckier, they have more money, more beautiful partners, etc.
Depreciation is a protective mechanism. And, strange as it may seem, it relieves the anxiety. If we face something terrible and impossible for processing by our brains, we devalue it, make it small, habitual and understandable.
Depreciation can concern something from outside, or a person can depreciate himself. The latter is most often related to one's own achievements or character traits.
In all things, as usual, lies a low self-esteem and deep convictions, which say that the carrier of these qualities - nothing of itself is a naught. And suddenly, this person has something that goes well or someone praises him. This event causes cognitive dissonance and anxiety. It is not written in the inner map of the world and everything must be brought to a single denominator. Intellectual artillery enters immediately. A person can tell himself that this is not really an achievement, but a failure. Or that other people do better and more. And everything comes back to its place. Then a person gets a charge of dopamine. Everything in his world is in order, he is at home.
Surprisingly, it is a state of comfort for him. And although it seems that there is nothing comfortable here, since you are the worst and a loser, but it is usually the situation of his parents' home. If you are okay, your parents will feel bad. They will get angry, look for shortcomings, and say that the child did nothing good. And when the baby breaks up or just gets upset, he will be sorry or left alone. So it is better to immediately admit that you are a jerk, not to tolerate the negative and make the parents happy.
Naturally, not all parents are such snide. Sometimes it is just enough to scold the bad and ignore the good. Then the child will understand that only the bad allows him to stay in society, only the bad in it attracts others.
In order to keep themselves in this "comfort zone", people use several methods. One of them is self-stigmatization. A person admits to be an outcast and a freak, and therefore can use the "why try" strategy. What changes will it make you feel like you're gonna have some kind of a life spanking? He's a freak in Africa, too.
But, nevertheless, you don't want to, but you have to worry a little bit about your life. Though to go to work and to receive money. Well, and family, it is desirable, to have too. But work and relationships are very dangerous place. There you can suddenly succeed or, God forbid, become happy. But here self-abotage comes to our aid. He helps people to keep themselves in a familiar family environment, untouched, abandoned and unloved.
What to do with it?
1. I think it is very useful to know that there are people "seekers of success" and "seekers of failure". It is a matter of personal choice to look for yourself. If you have not been taught to look for advantages and virtues as a child, it does not mean that you can never learn to look for advantages and virtues in yourself.
2. Nathaniel Branden, author of Six Pillars of self-esteem, had a wonderful idea. It is necessary to refuse to be with yourself in a dysfunctional relationship. Are you sawing yourself and looking for punctures? You are the one who continues the work of your dysfunctional family. Your inner critic-collection of the critical voices of your significant adults. When you were little, you didn't have the opportunity to stop it. Now you can do it. Criticism of internal hard interruptions is needed.
3. whatever quality you do, find five positive things to do. Here's how to make yourself do it, despite the mocking voice of internal criticism: "Well, who do you want to deceive?
4. Keep in mind that devaluation will not help you in life. No matter how much you saw yourself no one will love you more for it.
Next, you need to make a personal breakdown. And although sometimes it all seems a waste of time, the brain will begin to change. It uses what you feed it with. If you feed it with nasty things, it will reciprocate. But if you eradicate the habit of devaluation, it will be very helpful in all areas of life.