Dependence on praise is not a special, separate “diagnosis” or an independent manifestation. It is usually part of various larger psychological problems. This may be narcissism, various anxiety disorders, dependent disorder, etc. Rather, this phenomenon can be called a psychological pattern.
The need to please others is a normal aging psyche. We must receive positive feedback from others. This gives us an understanding of what we are accepted, we like and want to see us next. This turns into a problem only when people cannot get enough of these signs of acceptance. They always have it a little. And not because of greed, but because of the depreciation of what they have just been given. Sometimes this process of constant search for approval turns into a dependency on which a person cannot break away. How else? His self-esteem hangs on a clove of praise from the outside. If there is no clove, then self-esteem is somewhere far below. Moreover, the quality and meaning of merit and actions are completely irrelevant, the emotional reaction of others around them is important.
All come from childhood. The child did not have the opportunity and the right to evaluate his actions on his own. After all, how can you say good things about yourself? You can’t do it! Indeed, only others, from the outside, can say whether you are a good person or not, whether you are doing the right thing or not. Well, if you were praised ... don’t get pierced! Do not disappoint! Otherwise, everything, you are a failure and will not love you. Well, since success and achievements can only be appreciated by others who know them, these others, what they will appreciate and what they will reject. For this reason, even if you did everything well, you cannot be sure that you will be praised.
There is another option, when a child is praised for every step and it is not possible to somehow form their own guidelines for assessing themselves and their behavior. He is so accustomed to constant praise that if it suddenly does not exist, then at least it is a conviction or a social catastrophe.
Here are the signs of this behavioral pattern:
1. As mentioned above, recognition is always small. As soon as a person is praised, he immediately discounts the praise. He says to himself that there is nothing to be proud of. Nothing special has been done, for which you can respect yourself. Or consider that praised fairly.
2. On the other hand, if such a person is not praised for a long time, it begins to seem to him that no one loves, respects, or even hates him. Sometimes he finds reasons for this (they say that he works poorly), and sometimes he may not find anything (he works well, but still no one likes)
3. Despite the need for praise, such people fear very much praise. If someone spoke positively about them, they would like to immediately hush up this moment somehow or even hide somewhere and run away. For them, praise, it’s like “you were counted.” Have you noticed? Now they are closely watching you, and as soon as something doesn’t work out for you, they will immediately stop loving and turn away. However, many people really like that if someone finds a job he has done, he will say: “Well, it’s necessary, how ridiculous! Who did it so well? What kind of genius was this? ”In general, you were recognized, but not caught.
4. Such a person very often has a proven fan of his talents. Which can reliably and faithfully admire. In his presence, there is no alarm that he will abandon or fall out of love. He will not only praise and condemn, but he can still be scolded with a disgusting, soulless world. It does not have to be someone real. Maybe some celebrity whose life confirms the correctness of the action of a dependent on praise. For example, if Super Star A talks about animal welfare, then she approves feeding cats before the driveway. In addition, as support, there may be a group of virtual friends on the forum or groups in social networks.
It is not so easy to deal with this, and any specific recommendations are possible when considering which, within the framework of a larger problem, dependence on praise has arisen. This is not just a “bad habit”, but a principle that forms the psychological map of the world. Of course, you need to think about your merits and start developing your own system for evaluating yourself and your achievements. In general, begin to draw children's cards in a new way.