Child psychological trauma often passes through a person’s life, like a red silk thread. Having become entangled and twisted around the personal history of people, it turns it into an uneven, sometimes bundled thread between turns. Wherever you pull, the thread begins to fit painfully into the body through memories and preserved children's habits.
Adults with a history of childhood violence often cannot move aside, repeating the relationships of their dysfunctional family. For them, love is what parents gave them, whatever they give him. A child cannot send bad parents away. He needs to survive and therefore he is ready to break into a cake so that the abuser parents react to him. They needed to prove that he was worth attention, that he could become good and then they would love him.
These relationships often go into adulthood. Adults, both men and women, feel needed where the partner neglects and spits on them. It seems to them that just about one more step, and they will be loved. No, they already love them, even when they kick in the face. And if they are loved, then they have no right to leave the tormentor. You just need to try harder, work harder, cook borscht, buy more fur-machines-gold. And the fact that in response there is nothing good, no positive feedback, this is understandable. They just did not deserve another.
One must accept punishment and rejection.
This is normal.
This is love.
They often do not chronically develop relationships with ordinary people. If they are treated with respect and love, then victims of violence simply ignore such people. They don’t see them, because in their memory bank there is no such file “they love you because you simply are”. Even if the relationship somehow developed, such an adult habitually begins to create the atmosphere of his home from them. You need to get angry at you, hate you, yell at you. If they forgive you and still love you - a mess. Everything must be turned into an indestructible mess when you are lonely and abandoned by everyone and you have absolutely nothing to love and respect.
The heart is torn to pieces from shame, loneliness, hopelessness, powerlessness and self-hatred.
Welcome home baby!
In general, it’s terrible how many people in themselves sometimes carry pain and inflict it on their own, because pain is the desired state for them. This is their childhood, “happy corner”.