After the drama of violence, a person has two development paths:
1) to drive the experience deep into the unconscious, from where the ears of fear and helplessness will stick out, periodically pull out memories from the unconscious, return it back to oblivion.
2) to pull everything to the surface and therapize what happened so that any memories on this topic are neutral. Is it possible? Yes it is possible.
What are the main feelings of a person experiencing violence? Powerlessness and helplessness. There is no strength to resist and no help.
If you put on the floor a marker (sheet of paper) of the moment when the violence was committed, a person will feel precisely these conditions. Let's say it was June 30, 1985, 31 years ago. At this moment, he felt powerless and helpless. I ask you to describe these sensations in the body. Helplessness looks like a solid black metal ball, and powerlessness like a clot of swamp mucus.
I ask the question: "Did you first feel powerless and helpless on that June day 34 years ago?"
I recall all such cases that I had to work with, and no one ever said: "Yes, that was the first time then." That was before.
Feelings of helplessness and powerlessness arose earlier than rape. In fact, people already "loomed" to their rapists: "I am a victim, I am powerless and helpless, everything can be done with me."
When did these feelings begin? When the drunk dad held his fist over his head and shouted: "I will kill you," - and the child for the first time in his life realized that he was powerless - hop, and a clot of swamp mucus penetrated his chest. Or when dad beat his mother, and the child stood and looked, struck by the fury of the dad, and at that moment the metal ball of helplessness firmly settled in the throat area. Or maybe this was facilitated by the teacher in the kindergarten, who screamed at the child, poking dirty pants in his nose?
Stop. Pause. We fix these moments when helplessness and powerlessness arose. We fix them with markers on the floor.
Next, go ahead from the June date. We look at the situations in which a person felt helpless and powerless, but outside of obvious violence. Put the markers.
Before us are markers - a segment of life that reflects the whole picture of powerlessness and helplessness in the life of a particular person. Yes, in front of them are all those unpleasant pictures that he would not want to experience, but survived.
And now, in fact, what to do with all this good? Transform memories. How?
I will not expand on this topic for a long time, but in every negative event in our life there is a lesson and an opportunity for development. We safely spoil these opportunities almost every time, until life presses in such a way that it does not work out to change something, otherwise it is a threat to life and health.
What do you think was the lesson of every person who at some point began to experience helplessness and powerlessness? As it may sound corny - he must become strong and must learn to help himself. In short, he must take off his shirt of "vulnerability."
Someone immediately asks: “And how could a child feel invulnerable when his father threatens to hit him?” Then - nothing. Now - when a person can stand on a marker indicating the date of this event - it can.
And the man gets up. True, before this we discuss, and what he likes more - to feel powerless or cold-blooded and confident, how long he still wants to feel helpless, how tired he is - in general, we create a willingness to change and raise energy to make a leap to another state is a state of strength.
So, a person stands on this marker. Raises his eyes to dad (as an option) and looks into his eyes - calmly, without embarrassment. Or takes a step to the side so that the fist does not fall on him. And if these are memories related to the rapist, then the person begins to call for help, fights (if it was necessary, and if he did then, it would be different), says: “Get out of here or I will call my parents and I’ll tell them everything. ” We find the best and most acceptable variant of the development of the event at that moment, which would suit a person and not allow him to feel powerless and helpless. And there is always such an option.
In general, the situation is rebuilding, but in a different way, with new forces, with new resources - the way it should have happened then and would have ended safely.
And so, with such a transformation, we go to all the events of this time period of powerlessness and helplessness, and transform, transform ...
It doesn't work differently. You can talk about it, but too little for major changes.
After such work, a person feels tired, but new. He is no longer the one to commit violence against. Now he will always help himself. Where is the metal ball and where is the clot of mucus? There are no more.
Now, casting a glance at the situations that he was working on, he will most likely say: “I look at these people [rapists] - how pathetic they are.” Note miserable. But no longer strong, not scary. And that’s the whole point. The whole point of psychotherapy is violence.