To be continued. The beginning in the article "Psychotherapy of grief (part 1)"
3) You can feel guilty before the dead for living, but he is not. And on this basis, it would be impossible to enjoy life anymore.
It is very likely that this belief hides an even deeper belief that, in principle, one cannot rejoice, and now, a good case comes up when one can not enjoy life - a rather significant reason.
In such cases, we rest against the scenario, or the totality of such beliefs, obtained somewhere. And then we change the scenario and beliefs, but, most importantly, create a willingness to live in joy (during the creation of such a readiness a certain amount of psychological trauma, lack of acceptance and love in childhood and other unpleasant things that make it impossible to enjoy life here and now) may pop up) .
4) Feeling of guilt before the environment, if you want to stay calm and not grieve.
If you want to sit in meditation instead of mourning, it is better to do this away from people. In general, often the environment causes the familiar behavior pattern inside - mourning through tears, moaning. It’s customary for people to show their pain. Therefore, someone is better to stay in a state of grief from society away. At least it will be possible to choose what to feel for yourself, and not what society requires of you.
5) One must swim into the grief, as if into a lake, realizing that somewhere ahead lies the shore, which promises the end of grief.
You can, literally, track the hours and count the days that lead away from the date of death, gradually reducing pain. It always happens. This process is automatic. It is sewn into us. And the best thing that can be done is not to resist recovery.
It’s like giving birth. A woman is hurt during childbirth, but after a while she completely forgets about it. Because that's how it works. So with grief. It is necessary to allow the chemical processes in the body to be completed, and to allow the consciousness to recover and merge into the usual course.
If a person categorically does not believe that a complete way out of grief is possible, ask him to put two markers on the floor. One will mean the point of the present, where a person is in grief, the other let it mean the point of the future, where grief ends! Even if a person wants to put the second sheet at a distance of three meters from the first, let him stand in it anyway and feel that he is already burning off there. Let him look at the "present" from the future. Let him determine what is lacking for him, the “real”, to accelerate the process of grief. Let him get the necessary resources, understand what needs to be realized or done in the present, so that it becomes easier.
6) Often a person experiences the death of a loved one in such a way that they say about him: "This death knocked him down." It happens literally. Suddenly, a man was full of strength and energy, and then everything fell to almost zero. It is necessary to “find and return” the power that has been lost. Here you can use visualization technologies: "Show where the power that you lost lives in space, see it, bring it back into you."
7) A person must consciously approach the distraction from the process of grief. "Here and now I will work, disconnect, and then, so be it, I’ll grieve the evening." Such an approach to pauses in grief increases control over one’s feelings and makes it possible to feel that a person is subject to his sensations, and not he is subject to them.
8) The feeling of grief can be visualized as a separate image. It is not without reason that they say that grief “is falling.” And it usually piles up from the back and head, crushing under itself. Visualization of this feeling, description of its shape, color, size, etc. helps to shake him off, to be identified with him, to indicate grief another place. In the end, putting grief on your back is a person’s choice. Let the unconscious. But now, consciously, he can prevent him from returning to his personal space again.
9) It is extremely important to embed what has happened in your picture of the world. If a person laments “how could this happen”, he does not allow himself to accept what has happened and make him a brick of the experience of his life. You must embed it. And here it is important to work with cultural characteristics, the field of beliefs, parts that literally require a person to suffer. It is possible to integrate the departure of a loved one into the picture of the world, and even with some internal spiritual enrichment of oneself. It would be a desire and understanding that one must live, and one must live happily.